9 Steps To Business Failure
April 25, 2006
Here’s how to be a business failure, in a few simple steps:
1. Never give out business cards it’s such a waste. In fact, don’t bother having business cards at all. If people want to speak to you that badly, they’ll get your number somehow.
2. Don’t send out leaflets, brochures or postcards to potential customers. It’s too time consuming. Just stick an ad in your local paper instead. Most people just buy newspapers to read the ads anyway.
3. Don’t build a website to promote your offline business. All these reports on trillions more people buying online are complete BS. Nobody buys a thing online, do you?
4. If you must build a website, don’t try to actually promote your product or service on it. Nobody will be interested. Instead, just ad a heap of irrelevant content – that way everyone will remember you. And it might remind them that they want to buy something from you in the next ten years.
Most importantly, NEVER put an opt in newsletter on your site. People don’t like interesting and informative newsletters, so they’ll never read them anyway.
5. Don’t do any research whatsoever before launching your business. It’s a waste of time and money. Who cares what people want to buy? Sell something you like – it will catch on eventually.
6. Ignore customer complaints at all costs. Some people are just born moaners. What do you care if they tell all their friends that your product is rubbish? Your Aunt Alice likes it and your dog things it’s great.
7. Never tell your family and friends about your business. They’re all tightwads anyway, and they couldn’t possibly know 200 people each who might be potential customers. Tell them you’re a secret agent, and all aspects of your business must remain under wraps.
8. Never sell anything you would buy yourself. What’s the point when your local shop sells all you need for half the price? Find the cheapest products possible, and sell as many as you can at a discount. It doesn’t matter if they’re complete rubbish. Everyone wants a bargain nowadays. And so what if they fall apart within a couple of days? You don’t plan to see your customers again, so it doesn’t matter.
9. Don’t even think about a business plan, they’re a complete waste of time. You don’t need a plan. Just plan to make as much money in as little time as possible – hopefully three months, then move on to the next great idea.
Hopefully, these tips have given you some insight into what it takes to fail with a home-based business.
Comments
3 Responses to “9 Steps To Business Failure”
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Successful And Outstanding Blogger
HAHAHAHAHA, thats great !! what a post.
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Thanks Shane. So many people have always taught me how to do things right. Life would have been so much easier if they’d told me how to do things wrong instead!
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