Are You Blogging Like A Barbie Doll?
August 13, 2008
Did you play with a Barbie doll when you were younger? I never had one but I often pitied folks who did. How many little girls wanted to grow up to be like Barbie, with her perfect body, immaculate hair, amazing wardrobe and faultless boyfriend?
And I wonder how many of those little girls pulled Barbie’s legs off when they realised they’d been conned, because nobody told them Barbie is about as genuine as Victoria Beckham’s tits.
How many of us find ourselves blogging like Barbie, pretending we live in a perfect world, censoring every little thing we write to make sure it’s all positive and that we won’t upset anyone? And just how genuine does that make us? Because unless you’re high on crack, you’ll know that we’re living in a far from perfect world.
Shit doesn’t just happen, fucking terrible things happen. And if we choose to ignore them, because we feel powerless to do anything about them, we’re afraid to face the truth, or we’re so distanced from them that we think it doesn’t matter – how great does that make us? And what does it say about our writing, if we insist on sugar coating everything?
Now, I’m not saying that we should aim to make our readers so miserable that they feel like ending it all now. We can keep things real without doing that. But, at the same time, should we really be deluding ourselves or anyone else that we have some mystical power that allows us to cope with every single piece of crap that life throws at us?
Monika Mundell discusses the dark side well, without making others in the same situation feel like shit. In this post, she shares the fact that there is no secret formula to feel happy and beat lack of motivation, no matter what. The truth is, sometimes it’s impossible to motivate yourself, no matter how wonderful and Barbie like you think you are.
Monika tells it like it is – we don’t feel like slitting our wrists, because she tells us what she’s doing to try to fix the problem, instead of pretending there is no problem, so we can learn too. Which would be better – should Monika put on a brave face and tell us how easy it is to motivate yourself, if you follow a few tips? Or should she tell the truth – sometimes life is crap and there is no secret recipe to make everything alright?
Do you think Monika’s way is more genuine? Or should we keep on blogging like Barbie and hope our readers don’t feel cheated and decide to rip our legs off?
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Wow, such harsh language, such raw emotions… excellent!! One of my favorite terms I like to use is “brutal honesty,” the kind of honesty that really hurts to acknowledge, but also the kind of honesty that’s needed in order to progress.
Sometimes when I face moments that need such honesty, I think of how Martin Luther King described the passive people who thought the civil rights movement was too radical. He was most fearful of those “who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice.”
Al at 7P’s last blog post..The Hero with a Thousand Jobs
Forgot to also say, “Welcome back Cath!”
Al at 7P’s last blog post..The Hero with a Thousand Jobs
Hi Al – thanks. Sometimes I hesitate to publish things, because I worry that I’ll offend people, or what I write won’t be “happy” enough for them. And I feel like a fraud censoring my posts.
I’m not bothered about folk threatening to sue me if they don’t like what I write though. I only write what’s true and anyone who said I didn’t would have to prove otherwise.
I like that quote on negative peace and positive peace. Negative peace is just brushing things under the carpet and forgetting about them isn’t it?
I like to keep my blog upbeat because I enjoy writing an upbeat blog. Not because I think people want a positive blog. Writing MomGrind gives me a lot of pleasure. It’s where I express myself – but it’s not where I express my deepest struggles. Those are not for such a public medium. Those are for my closest friends and family only.
However, I don’t give advice very often. Generally, I don’t like reading advice posts. I prefer posts that ask questions over blogs that try to answer them.
Vered’s last blog post..No More Bikini Mishaps (Wordless Wednesday)
Hi Vered – I guess it also depends what topic you write on and how much you feel comfortable disclosing.
It’s tough on a business blog to find a happy medium. You can’t expect your readers to provide all the answers, but you need to leave some questions unanswered too. In the beginning, I didn’t throw in much personal experience, but I sounded like a text book.
It’s nice that everyone on the Blogosphere is positive and supportive, but sometimes I find it gets to be too much.
I’ve lost count at how many “Life Coaches” are out there telling me how to do things right.
Not everyone is happy all the time. Not everyone is perfectly motivated. We won’t all achieve everything we set out to.
Nothing wrong with that. We all go through ups and downs. That’s just life.
Sometimes I wonder…am I the ONLY person in the whole world, who still feels anger and frustration at times? Am I the only one who’s not self-actualizing, being all that they can be right now?
Then I read a post like Monika’s, and I’m relieved to see I’m not alone.
Give me an honest blog like hers any day…as opposed to a Barbie Blog. .
Friar’s last blog post..The Philosophy of Life Using Everyday Household Objects.
Hi Catherine,
I do think it’s great that blogs give us freedom of speech, and we can say whatever we choose, however, my blog is a teaching blog. My “students” are mostly new to blogosphere, and need help, not criticism. I’m there to listen, guide, ask questions and lend a hand. Although I do throw in little snippets about my life and blogging experience, that blog isn’t about me.
Re: A Barbie. Oh yes, I had one (in fact I still have it). How could I not, being named Barbara. I always thought she was a pretty doll. Course, that was at a time when the media was not so “in your face” with subliminal messages.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Blog Visitors – Like Kids In A Candy Store
Hi Friar – I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel as though everyone is on happy gas and I missed out. Re – Life Coaches tho – I like the ones like Tom and Tim as they understand people aren’t perfect. And Tom said everyone has an inner asshole – or something like that.
Hi Barbara – but you share your mistakes don’t you? You don’t pretend you’re perfect and you got it right the first time. Plus – you don’t seem to get any assholes visiting your blog.
I forgot about those subliminal messages. I think they’re meant to be illegal now – but not on the Internet.
like friends, each one serves a different purpose. some friends know more than others. same with blogging, it’s a friend in its place.
it serves my purpose and i’m sorry if i pretend like everything is great – no one is exempt from problems – but this [what i blog] is all i can give you. can you enjoy the post? can you learn something from it? do i make you laugh or think?
no one knows under the conditions in which a person blogs and what’s good for you to do, is not always a possibility for another blogger.
i prefer to use my family and friends, the ones that know me well to air out my dirty laundry.
interesting post Cath…you stirred up my thinking.
Natural’s last blog post..Are You Feeling Guilty Over Something?
Hi Valerie – I don’t think you pretend everything is great. You just wrote about feeling guilty. And your posts are always thought provoking. You don’t seem very Barbie to me.
But as you said – it depends on the blogger and the topic. And I guess we have to be careful not to deviate too far from the topic we blog about.
I like Barbie Dolls. I like blogging. I also choose to write about what moves me and I hope is entertaining and interesting to readers.
I have had so much shit going on in the past year that I’ve been close to suicidal. But I avoid writing about it because I don’t want to bring people down. I think we’re pretty good at doing that ourselves. There is so much crap on the news and in the papers I prefer to go in another direction. Writing brings me to a better place and I’m starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
@ Friar. Actually, Life Coaches don’t tell you what to do. They ask you what you want to do and help you strategize to reach your goals. They may make suggestions or challenge you on some goals, but that is only to stretch you out of your self-imposed boundaries. There are no mistakes, only learning.
Davina’s last blog post..I Dreamt I Died
Catherine …
I missed you while you were on vacation, glad your back!
I know what your talking about …
I struggled on whether I should publish about my husband’s past struggle with a drug addiction.
I did decide to hit the publish button ~ because it was my reality and it was important to me to own it.
I also thought it might be helpful for somebody to see us working through a difficult issue.
Your right in that a lot of people like to ignore the messy/sticky things in life …
But life can get quite messy/sticky!
I do like to focus on the positive though ~ faith & hope is essential to me.
Anyhoo … I’m glad your back
dawn @ iowahippiechick’s last blog post..Fun On A Tank Of Gas …
Hi Catherine,
You’re right, I do share some of my mistakes on my blog, mainly to teach others not to do what I did. I certainly wouldn’t want my readers to think I know it all, because I don’t. I’m just one cog in the wheel.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Blog Visitors – Like Kids In A Candy Store
@ Cath: Thank you for picking up on my emotions. I have to tell you honestly that I was thinking twice about posting my feelings. As it happens, my blog has always been about helping new freelancers establishing their own business, as well as inspiring people in general. It is about sharing my journey. Therefore this also includes the raw, not so pretty aspects of running a business.
Plus, I’m far too honest about sharing my feelings and thoughts rather than talk barbie doll like and put up a fake appearance. With me, what you see is what you get and if you don’t like it then tough shit. It is what it is. (BTW, this wasn’t meant at you personally, but in general).
Plus, I’d like to think that what I do brings value to other people. Judging by the feedback I’m getting, I do and every time a person writes to me saying I was the inspiration for them to do such and such, it has made my day.
I actually think you totally understand where I’m coming from, so thank you for being there. I feel honored of knowing you because you have a great mind set and we seem to be very alike in many ways.
To answer your questions about barbie dolls. No, I never played with them. I actually didn’t like them at all. But then, I was a tomboy and my toys consisted of Lego’s and toy cars.
@ Al: I agree with you on the brutally honest and raw. Give me that any day. Some people are happy to stick their head in the sand though all the while kidding themselves.
@ Friar: Thank you. I appreciate what you said. It’s good to see there are people who are in fact down to earth and prefer the truth over barbie doll appearances.
I guess you never played with them did you?
@ Davina: You are right, there is a lot of crap in the news and newspapers and for that reason I have stopped watching the news and I never buy newspapers either. Like you, I try to see things in a positive way rather than the gloom or doom people tend to get sucked in when they watch and read these things.
But despite this, I too get down occasionally. When I wrote my post i actually thought I can share my experience to help others. Like Cath said, I didn’t just post my bad state of affairs, I went further and wrote about solutions too. If that helps to inspire one person, I’ve done the job right anyway.
The moment we stop helping others by painting things pink when in fact they are not, we ought to stop and shut up forever.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..How To Beat Lack Of Motivation
Hi Davina – I can understand why you want to focus on the positive. And don’t forget – you can email me any time you want to get things off your chest. It doesn’t affect me in a negative way at all.
I enjoyed your bear post – it was thought provoking. I just hope I don’t find one in my garden if I move over there.
Hi Dawn – thank you. I’m glad you chose to post about your husbands addiction problems. You handled it really well and I think you’ll have given a lot of hope to folks in a similar situation.
Hi Monika – I’m glad you dropped by. I was worried about you. And I totally understand where you’re coming from because I know how hard it is to build and market two things at once.
Your posts really help people and you did write it in a way that was helpful to others. It sparked a massive discussion and you also encouraged Steph to come out and share her problems. I doubt whether she’d have felt able to do that if you hadn’t written the post in the way that you did.
Now you really need to decide what you want to concentrate on most right now. I know people are telling you to take a couple of weeks off, but I’ve got a feeling that isn’t what you’ll choose to do.
PS, Catherine. I totally appreciate your frankness! Tell it like it is girl. And thanks again for the support.
And Monika, I’m on my way over to your blog shortly
.
I agree that if you are going to put it all out there that you should offer up some solutions. That’s why I’ve kept “stuff” to myself. I don’t have solutions yet. The buns are still in the oven
Davina’s last blog post..I Dreamt I Died
Barbara – you sneaked that post in there without me noticing. I don’t think a cog in the wheel is an accurate description of you. You’re more like a butterfly in a beautiful garden. And the flowers are the NBOTW.
Davina – You’re welcome. And you will find the solutions – you’ve already started looking for them.
I try to be open and honest about myself. Sometimes it comes out a little dramatic, but I end up having fun with that.
My limit is my relationship. I’ll discuss it a little, but Raul did not sign up to have our life exposed to everyone. And I won’t say more now because this is the subject of tomorrow’s blog post – very timely that you brought up the theme today!
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..Introducing the Lab-Rats
Hi Alex – I guess we all have to have some limits don’t we. I haven’t blogged much about my relationship with Stuart. I might if it fits with what I’m writing – so long as he doesn’t mind.
@ Cath: LOL, I was worried about myself too. But I am much better now and you are quite correct, I won’t be taking a holiday just yet. It’s not for lack of want, believe me. However I can take smaller steps to chill out more often which I am implementing as of today.
I spent a full two hours guilt free on the couch watching a movie.
Thank you once again for your understanding.
@ Davina: Thank you. It’s funny you mention the solution. It didn’t come to me until I was writing the post. Talking about blogging therapy. I look forward to welcome you to my blog too.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Humble Reality Check And The Art Of Living
[...] Did you play with a Barbie doll when you were younger? I never had one but I often pitied folks who did. How many little girls wanted to grow up to be like Barbie, with her perfect body, immaculate hair, amazing wardrobe and faultless boyfriend? And I wonder how many of those little girls pulled Bar … Source: Are You Blogging Like A Barbie Doll? [...]
I like what Vered said. It’s true. I prefer blogs that ask questions rather than handing out answers. Far more rewarding.
I think that if you’re reading blogs on how to improve your life you’re pretty much admitting that there are things you need to improve. Plus, most people who write about how to improve certain things in their lives are actually helping themselves with the things they write. Case in point: I read an interview with one of the top bloggers on financial matters who indicated that he started his blog when he was in deep debt and was trying to get himself out. He would conduct research to help himself and then share it with his readers. In the meantime he got himself out of debt and helped a lot of people do the same. I think we’re all smart enough to know that nobody’s life is perfect.
Marelisa’s last blog post..Slow Down – 32 Ways to Start Now
Hi Monika – I’m glad you’re taking things easier. Hopefully you’ll be able to take a longer break when the warmer weather comes. I keep forgetting that it’s winter over in Australia.
Hi Writer Dad – I know what you mean. Things that make you think are useful. I like some of the answers to be there, but some left out, so there’s space to think about it yourself.
Hi Mare – That’s a good point. I’ve read so much about folk who have got to know themselves better and improved their own lives through blogging. I’ve received that benefit too. It’s a great perk isn’t it?
Okay, as you know *big grin* I tell it like it is. However, I don’t want people leaving my site feeling emotionally drained. Even if I talk about a potentially negative aspect of relationships, I still want to point out the humour in all situations. I have stopped reading, or refuse to start reading, blogs that suck the life out of my soul. My life sucks, the world sucks. Okay, yes, perhaps, but what are you going to do about it? Oh, I’m not Pollyanna, and I know there are situations beyond our control that are just plain rotten, but I will only write what I feel will get people to think and see that ray of sunshine, even if it’s shining through a teeny tiny little pin prick.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Who is the Panther anyway?
Cath — Friar told me I should read this post, and he was right. As a kid, I cut the hair off all my dolls. I was a strange child. Anyway, I’m certainly of the “tell it like it is” school. I understand why, for business/image reasons some people are NOT that way. But personally, I find such “barbie” blogs boring and rarely read for long.
Amy’s last blog post..Controversy: the Always Hot Topic for Freelance Writers/Bloggers?
Hi Urban Panther – I can’t imagine you writing anything that wasn’t funny. I’ve heard that humorous writing is the most difficult to master – you have great talent.
Hi Amy – I guess some businesses have to be careful what they write. My daughter has also cut the hair off dolls too. When she read this post, she wanted me to add a picture of a Barbie doll that she’d modified. But I didn’t want to get hate emails from the mother’s of kids who’d copied her.
Hi Cath – you crack me up with your language!
i get concerned sometimes that I’m being a bit too sugar-coated on my blog – but it’s to do with staying on topic, I think. I find I tell more about my personal issues in comments on other people’s blogs!
I still have my Barbie from the 60s, when I was 15, and now Frank owns 3 more – we have them on display. I gave Frank Catwoman Barbie, and he bought the other two. (have you seen catwoman barbie? – we call her bondage barbie – it’s for kids????)
Robin’s last blog post..Letting Creativity Just Slip In
Thanks Robin. I suppose I shouldn’t swear because my kids read my blog sometimes. I blame it on being half Irish. I went to Dublin recently and I don’t think I met anyone who didn’t say the F word as part of normal conversation – at least once, but some much more. But in a friendly way of course.
I do what you do on other people’s blogs sometimes. I suppose I shouldn’t really, because if someone doesn’t like it the blog owner is left to deal with all the crap.
I had no idea Catwoman Barbie even existed. No wonder kids today have problems. It must be worth quite a bit now if you’ve had it since the sixties. Especially if it’s legs are still intact.
@Robin – Bondage Barbie – too funny!!! I was visiting Alex when he was in university and his roomie was taking women’s studies. They had a naked Barbie all bound and hanging upside down from the dining room chandelier. I couldn’t eat at the dining room table, but it sure cracked me up!
@Cath – the French use the F word all the time. Actually they say fucké, but it still horrifies me to hear it on mainstream radio like they are saying geepers creepers. The Lion doesn’t use it very often, probably more in respect for my English sensibilities, but when my hair does it’s Wild Irish Hag thing he kives to say “Ses cheveaux sont fucké. Ya, thanks Lion. And thanks for the compliment re my writing. I think you may be correct, in that funny writing requires a bit more thought process to keep it witty versus crass, or from falling flat. However, I generally don’t have to think about it. Must be the wicked Irish coming out in me. If I can’t control my Irish hair, at least I can control my writing style. *grin*
Urban Panther’s last blog post..Do you even care who’s looking?
Hi Urban Panther – That is so funny. I didn’t realise the French said it like that. I’ll have to remember the hair one as I have more bad hair days than good.
That’s lucky been able to write like that without having to think about it. Writing is far more important than hair.
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I really like the point you are making here.
Trying to be the perfect blogger and not offend anyone makes me ill at times. I hate offending people, but as a blogger, it is inevitable, so I have had to get used to it and grow some nads.
I had lots of Barbies and Ken was one lucky sexed up dude. I just liked to sew clothes for them or make art installations or color their hair or pierce them or make them do the humpty hump.
It never crossed my mind to want to look like Barbie, just like I didn’t want to look like a Teddy Bear or a Ninja Turtle; they are just toys.
Depends what is already inside a person and how the parents guide them as to how they will feel. My mom looked like Barbie and it still didn’t occur to me to want to look like her or Barbie because that is not what she taught me. I liked my brown hair and so did my mom.
My mom also likes my blog and supports any ol’ thing I write, even when it is something not nice about her, she laughs. Why? Because she loves me.
If we love our fellow bloggers, maybe they can write with more freedom too. Like a loving family member, we can also call them out on their crap.
Victoria Beckham — I’m going to be a Barbie Wussy on this one and not put my comments out on the floor… Eeeek a boo.
Mommy also told me, “If you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut!”
Jaden @ Screenwriting for Hollywood’s last blog post..Write a Screenplay in One Month: Week Three (Prizes Announced)
Hi Jaden – that is a great point. I guess if you’re brought up to love yourself – you’re unlikely to aspire to be like Barbie (or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle LOL).
I like what you said about loving your fellow bloggers too. Like you say – we can call them out on their crap in an encouraging way that would help them improve, rather than make them feel bad.
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