Relationships: Are You Kissing Goodbye To Success?
August 20, 2008
Did you know that staying in a bad close relationship can put the kiss of death on your chances of success in business or life?
Now, I’m not suggesting that everyone go out and get divorced to improve their chances of success.
Some broken relationships are fixable, if both parties involved actually want to fix them. But in some cases, ending a relationship is the only choice – especially if your partner is a serial adulterer and/or physically or mentally abuses you.
And a relationship can also suffer when those involved are not supporting the goals and ambitions of the other. That is what happened to Adam and Eve.
Business And Relationship Disasters – A Case Study: Adam and Eve
Eve Has A Dream
Adam and Eve get married. Eve is a creative woman. Ever since she can remember, she’s wanted to work in design. So she’s training to become a web designer and she’s working on building her portfolio. It’s going to be a long hard slog but Eve loves this work.
Adam Wants To Be A Millionaire
Adam has never really had any ambitions. And he thinks Eve’s a nutter. She spends hours and hours working and she doesn’t make much cash. She says it’s part of the learning process, but he couldn’t be bothered with that.
Adam just wants to make shedloads of money, but he doesn’t know how to get it. Then someone down the pub tells him that there’s a fortune to be made in the landscape gardening business. Adam doesn’t know squat about gardening, or starting a business. But he likes gardens and he’s missed that beautiful garden of Eden since he got kicked out.
So Adam starts his landscape gardening business. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but he’ll manage. After all, it’s supposed to be easy money, so he’s not going to waste his time learning about business.
If Becoming a Millionaire Was That Easy – Everyone Would Be Doing It
Adam gets bored quickly. This business lark his harder than he thought. He’s making bugger all and the bank won’t lend him more.
So he says, “Hey Eve. My business would do really well if I had the cash to buy this new equipment that everyone is raving about. Lend me your life savings will you.”
Eve isn’t too keen. They were already using her life savings to live on, as Adam isn’t making any money. And she’d hoped to use the rest to fund her web design business. But Adam needs the cash and he’ll pay her back once his business starts doing well.
So, Eve hands all her money over to Adam and takes a full-time job to keep food on the table and pay the bills. And she spends the rest of her time working on her web design business and looking after the kids.
Having More Money To Spend Doesn’t Make You Rich
And Adam is as happy as a little pig among shit, because Eve has given him all this money. He uses his credit cards to pay off some of his debts and get people off his back. And he decides to use the money Eve lent him to have fun. Screw the new equipment – he’s rich now, so he doesn’t need to work hard.
Never Catch A Falling Knife
A few months later, Adam is back to square one. Eve’s money has ran out and he’s built up even more debt while he was having fun. So, he takes out one huge bank loan to pay it all off, but he doesn’t pay Eve back – why should he? She is his wife after all. But he’s left with a huge problem. His business still isn’t profitable and nobody will lend him any more money.
So Adam says, “Hey Eve. You’ve got to help me out, or my business will go down the tubes. You’re faster at learning than me, so you can work it all out. And besides, I don’t know why you’re wasting all your time on that web design thing. Everybody knows there’s heaps more money to be made in landscape gardening.”
Eve is pissed off. Adam has wasted all the money she needed to grow her web design business. And if she doesn’t help him – she won’t get a penny back. So she packs in her job and quits working on her web design business to help Adam out. She learns about his business as she goes along and puts in all her waking hours.
Business Is Booming
Adam decides to relax a bit more. Business is doing great. He’ll let Eve get on with it while he has a bit more fun. Eve is exhausted. She’s stopped the business from going bust and it’s beginning to do well. But, she’s only getting four hours sleep a night and she doesn’t really have a life outside of the business.
What mistakes have Adam and Eve and Eve made so far? And what advice would you give them?
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Image Credit: Spojeni
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Comments
35 Responses to “Relationships: Are You Kissing Goodbye To Success?”
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Adam must have been doing something really well to mess up Eve’s brain like that. There’s a term for it, I won’t type, but you end up stupid. Eve should have trusted her instincts: “Eve isn’t too keen” – she let her heart decide and not her brain, of course the man IS her husband and she wants to believe in him, support him as wives do BUT what evidence has he given her?
Adam has never really had any ambitions – and he wouldn’t have any after marriage either. Adam depends on other people for his success…success can’t be spelled without U, right?
Adam is into quick fixes, riches and not about learning business. Eve needs to stop being the maid and cleaning up after Adam, but be a real helper to him and show him how things work…and other things.
This was a super fun post and read Cath, I emailed it to my coworkers.
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Advice? Get a divorce! They’re enabling each other, not supporting each other. Adam is a jerk. Eve is entitled to a share of his business so she could get her money and self-respect back, not to mention her life.
Davina’s last blog post..My Turn To Be Seen
Hi Valerie – Eve was a real idiot wasn’t she. And you made a great point if Adam had no ambition to start with, he probably wasn’t going to suddenly develop some later.
It sounds like you’re saying Eve would have been better off trying to empower Adam to help himself – instead of giving him money and working in his business. That is great advice.
Thanks for sharing the post with your co-workers too – I really appreciate it.
Hi Davina – That sounds like pretty good advice. Eve probably should have sent him packing back to the Garden of Eden and got on with her own life.
Eve should have had the courage to let Adam go down and fail. Everybody has a right to their own failures. That’s when true leaning takes place after all. Eve would’ve known to keep the life savings as a cushion, in case things go really bad.
But those are the should have and would haves. Eve can now take it up a little and put Adam on an allowance, let him do the housekeeping
Anything what it takes to get him to the point of being frustrated enough to finally change for the better.
If that doesn’t work -> Follow Davina’s advice.
Lodewijk’s last blog post..Blog Action Day, Alltop and switching hosts
Hi Lodewijk – That would have been a smart idea – hold on to the life savings and let Adam fall. I bet she wishes she’d have known that now.
But she didn’t – in fact, Adam and Eve made many more foolish mistakes – if you can believe they could have been more foolish. The story continues soon.
Reminds me of my wife’s sister and both of her marriages. The first marriage was ruined by his business and his failure to recognize that technology had made it obsolete. The second marriage is on the rocks and part of the reason is his lack of real devotion to his business.
Hi Mike – it sounds like you’re sister has made a couple of bad choices. She might be better off marrying someone who doesn’t have a business at all, if she ever gets married again.
Wow!!
Love the story! Very well-written indeed. Stumbled!
I’m lucky in that my husband and I never had such an issue – we both know our skills and weaknesses and make certain never to pound on the other to fix our own mistakes. It’s definitely challenging, I’ll say that…..
Enjoy, Barbara
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach’s last blog post..Today’s Thought to Share – When carpets attack
Hi Barbara – It sounds like you have your head screwed on – unlike Eve. You certainly learn more by fixing your own mistakes.
Thank you for the stumble. I’m still banned from using it, but they don’t seem to have stopped others from stumbling my posts.
@Cath: I guess there’s a fine line between being a supportive spouse and being a pushover. This is why I think people shouldn’t marry young. Did you make this story up? Adam and Eve, landscaping business, that ‘s clever!
Marelisa’s last blog post..Lessons to Teach Your Children (Part 1)
Hi Mare – That is a good point. Too many people get married before they’ve even got to know themselves.
The story is what I would call faction. It’s loosely based on a story I heard, but I’ve changed it a bit. The landscaping thing was inspired by the garden of Eden. I don’t know where I got the web design thing came from.
Aside from your partner derailing your own plans, it’s extremely hard to be creative when your soul is being sucked dry in a bad relationship (oh yes, been there done that), so chances of being successful at your own business are slim to none anyway.
I love English expresssions. Nutter. *chuckle* I need to start using that. We would say loonie-tunes.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..The cost of relationships
Hi Urban Panther – I guess Eve would have struggled with her web design business anyway then, while she was still married to Adam. It must have been even harder for her to stop his landscaping business from going down the tubes.
At least you had the sense to get out. Lets hope Eve does the same too, in the next installment..
It’s a toxic relationship. Adam is a taker, Eve is a giver. She needs to get out pronto.
Vered’s last blog post..Thank You For Smoking
Hi Vered – I wish you’d told me that before. That toxic relationship keyphrase did well for me last time I used it on Google.
Oh well – we’ll see if Eve takes your advice in the next installment.
Hi Cath,
I think Adam is a scared child who needs to do some growing up. He is also an irresponsible self centered person sucking Eve dry of her own creativity and ability to succeed.
I also share Lode’s view on the situation. Sometimes we have to let our partners fail no matter how much we love them. In the long run we are actually doing them a favor.
But if that doesn’t help and Adam is just not willing to help from his mistakes, then a divorce would probably be needed.
Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Blog Communications
Hi Monika – I think you are right. Eve really should have let him fail. You can’t help someone to do something by doing it for them. The story gets messier if you can believe it (have already written the 2nd part).
Unfortunately this scenario is far more common than we think. I have seen so many new businesses with great potential going bankrupt after 2-3 years just because the owners rested on their laurels and spent all the incoming cash to buy fancy cars. Pretty tempting to take that $100 000 deposit to buy a fancy car instead of using it for accounts payable. Business is business and Eve should definately have an official agreement with Adam in regards to the business.
Urbane Lion’s last blog post..Do you suffer from Social Tourette’s ?
Hi Urbane Lion – that is so true. Many new businesses screw up that way – even if they’re making a fairly decent amount. But Adam’s business wasn’t even making a profit.
I think you’re right about the official agreement – although Eve signed a basic partnership agreement, she should have refused to lend Adam the money unless he would agree to sign something.
I think that Eve should have left him to get on with it and follow her dreams, Adam obviously didnt care about her, he just thought of himself and all the fun he could have, I think Adam has a lot of growing up to do.
Hi Stuart – I totally agree. And I’m thinking that as she had kids to support, she should probably have done that before packing in her job and giving him her last penny.
Given how much Adam has taken advantage of Eve, it’s unlikely that anything but total disaster will shake her out of the situation. Unfortunately, sometimes we need to experience really bad things to achieve the change that would be the best for us.
I’ve been reading the book Sway (excellent read) and I think Eve is in loss-avoidance mode – at this point she’s done so much work and invested so much, she probably doesn’t believe that she *can* leave.
I doubt she’d be very open to advice at this moment, because would she really want to hear that it’s time to accept the losses and get the heck out? Likely not.
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..Patience is a Virtue? and a Curse
Adam is an immature, self-obsessed deadshit loser who is incapable of thinking about what Eve needs. Eve needs to love herself enough to know that she has more than done her fair share in this relationship and now she is just part of the problem. People like Adam will suck the very life out of you. They must be eliminated from your life and quickly.
Kelly – Marriage Guidance Counsellor and Expert Loser Detector
Kelly@SHE-POWER’s last blog post..The Marbella Money Shot
Hi Alex – I think you’re right – Eve probably needs quite a big disaster to shake her out of the situation.
And that loss-avoidance mode you mention is interesting. I think you could be right. Maybe it’s not all about the money she’s invested anymore – as you say, it could be to do with the work too.
Also, I think you might be guessing right – when you say nobody could persuade her to leave. We’ll have to wait a few more hours to find out though.
By the way – what is the Sway about Alex? Is it a novel or non-fiction?
Hi Kelly – You have a great way with words. If they make it into a screenplay, I think you should play Eve – you’d sort the bastard out.
And I think you’re right – she should leave the relationship. But what should she do to eliminate him?
@Cath
Here’s the information on the book – it’s non-fiction, in the tradition of “Blink” – http://www.swaybook.com/
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..Patience is a Virtue – Full Text Answers
Hi Alex – thanks. It sounds really interesting. I’ve just been checking out their blog too – did you see the last post on the Tower of Doom? That is one creepy looking building.
@Cath
That thing is huge! And I can’t believe it’s been sitting there for 20 years like that. I’m amazed they’re actually able to continue building it.
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..Patience is a Virtue – Full Text Answers
Hi Catherine,
You’re quite the story teller. How are you doing on that book?
I think it’s time for Eve to cut her losses, take the kids and move on, or else send Adam packing. Chances are he won’t have any money to give her for child support, so she’ll have to rely on herself AGAIN. But based in the fact she did turn the landscaping business around, I’d sad she’s a smart cookie. She can succeed in anything she sets her mind to. Adam is a l-o-s-e-r.
I’ll be patiently waiting for part 2.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Four Day Open Mic – 8/21 to 8/24/08
Hi Alex – it’s crazy isn’t it? They know it sucks – but instead of admitting they made a mistake, they’re continuing to build it. It’s given me a great insight into what the book will be about.
Hi Barbara – I’ll admit it – the book has me stuck. That’s why I’ve been writing too much other stuff. I didn’t even mean to write this post – it just wanted to come out. It’s the lead character I’ve been stuck with. I made the villain sound too interesting and the heroine just blended into the background.
I think Eve should probably cut her losses too. But, like Alex said – she may not, because of the time and money lost.
Hi Cath – I’m late to this – there are only so many blogohours in the day. I’m REALLY looking forward to the next installment. (I know what I want to do to him)
Robin’s last blog post..Reincarnation… A Scenario
Hi Robin – I ‘m guessing you wouldn’t be sharing any tips on how to live forever with him.
I hope you don’t mind but I shared your article on physical immortality on twitter because I find it fascinating.
For the next installment – I’ve tried to write in sort of prose poetry. I don’t know if it flows very well but it was a bit of a laugh.
[...] This is a series post on the effects of bad relationships on business and success. It’s about fictional characters – Adam and Eve. You’ll probably enjoy the story more if you read Part 1: Relationships, Are You Kissing Goodbye To Success? [...]
Good for her Rita – I see what you mean – about the apple – one bite and some folk want the whole tree.
The rib removal sounds like a good punishment. Maybe one for each child is deserved?
Will go to Bruce v soon.
Thankyou Cath for the Twitter thing!
I’ve got an account but I don’t use it – must start soon.
seeya
Robin’s last blog post..Reincarnation… A Scenario
Robin – you’re welcome. I don’t use it much either but I’m trying to learn.