Online Networking: Do I Hide From People Like You?
August 24, 2008
In a recent discussion on business networking, a few folk shared their opinions on what they liked and didn’t like. Tom of Delightful Work said he preferred online networking to structured events. And Monika of the Writers Manifesto and Ellen of Wilson’s Words and Pictures, both mentioned that they don’t like to “lick ass”.
I totally understand what they mean. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’ve got to suck up to folk you’re not particularly keen on, in the hope of getting a bit of work and a few referrals. And for that reason, I tend only to network with people I like.
It’s good to get to know like minded people online, in your industry, with whom you can develop a trusting relationship. I find that far more rewarding than hanging out at some networking event, or golf club, with folk I don’t enjoy being with.
And the easiest we can do this, is by simply making connections with folk we want to connect with, without any assumptions of what they can do for us.
In fact, we should forget what people can do for us altogether. It’s far easier to cultivate genuine relationships, if we think about what we can do to help the other person, without any expectations of gaining something in return.
I get requests in my inbox everyday from folk I either don’t know at all, or people who’ve made just one comment on my blog, in the hope of getting my attention. They’re usually asking me to Stumble this, Digg this, review this, or whatever. And if they knew me at all, they’d probably know that I can’t Stumble anything, as I’ve been banned.
Sometimes the same people send requests everyday. And as you probably know, receiving daily requests to Stumble and Digg someone’s stuff is annoying enough when you actually know them. But when it comes from someone you don’t know at all, it’s even worse.
It’s not like I don’t like helping people – I do. But I’m a human being and like most other folk, I like people to get to know me, before asking me to do things for them. I don’t want to be someone’s social networking prostitute and I bet you don’t either.
Have you experienced any bad online business networking practices? Have you found yourself hiding from certain types of people?
Image Credit: M. Keefe
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37 Responses to “Online Networking: Do I Hide From People Like You?”
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Hi Cath,
Been away on hols.
There are so many “rules” for networking that it can become daunting. But you’ve hit the nail on the head with networking with those you trust.
I tend to network in this order:
1) Those I like as people first
2) More focus and time on those in complementary businesses
Wherever possible I try and use the services of those in complementary businesses. Purely because I get asked by my
clients who I recommend for web-sites, telephone systems etc.
I can then recommend someone based upon a positive personal experience. And I get brownies points from clients for the introductions.
Reciprocal referrals tend to come naturally from this approach. Purely because it is built upon trust. So liking the person is important too.
As you know, I go to a BNI weekly meeting, which I can’t grumble at, even though I understand why many don’t like it.
But in 9 years we have been referred in excess of £1M worth of business.
It doesn’t however mean you are obliged to like or trust every other participant. I haven’t and don’t.
Out of nearly 40 other members, I only like, trust and actively refer about 8 of them. Others I don’t refer, either because I don’t meet the type of customer they need (even though I like and trust them), or, because I would be worried about my reputation by referring them.
Online networking is a different matter. I can see it works. But I haven’t had much success. I have however found suppliers online that I’ve built a trusting relationship with – without ever meeting them.
How are you anyway?
But the diversity of the group
Ian Denny’s last blog post..Celebrate The End Of The Credit Crunch And Get A Free Laptop For Your Business – No Catch
Hi Ian – I am fine thanks. I was just thinking I hadn’t heard from you in a while and better check what you were up to. Did you have a good holiday?
I know you’ve had a lot of luck with BNI. I guess it’s a matter of finding the right group.
It’s a shame you’ve not had much luck with online networking yet. Do you think that might be because of geographical restrictions? You’ve met a lot of people online but they’re from all over the world and you cover Liverpool and Manchester.
Cath Lawson’s last blog post..Online Networking: Do I Hide From People Like You?
Brilliant post, Cath. I think there’s an art to building relationships, and there’s a lot of overlaps with how to do that with internet relationships as well as real-world relationships (where face-to-face and phone calls also come into play). Emails are so easy to write, so it takes more than a simple email to develop a meaningful relationship.
Al at 7P’s last blog post..Why Should I Help You?
Hi Al – thanks. Email is so easy and fast isn’t it? And the trouble is, folk can easy knock off the same email to a whole heap of people (and many do).
You’ve been stumbled…, I know you didn’t ask for it, but just the same, I did it.
If someone I don’t know asks me to “thumb up” their site or be their “friend” on stumbleupon, I generally don’t even reply to them. Same thing goes for any other requests from people I don’t know or who are not regular commenters. Can’t say as I particularly “hide,” though.
Mike Goad’s last blog post..I was told yesterday that my last day of work is next Friday!
I agree with Al: brilliant!
Yes, when someone asks me to digg and stumble EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE they publish, I tend to get annoyed. I mean, they can’t ALL be THAT good, can they?
I hate social media abuse.
Even Skellie recommended at the time to limit these requests to just once in a while, when you KNOW that you wrote something really good, or something that has a very good chance of getting to the front page.
And yes, take your time, get to KNOW the other person before you start asking for favors.
Vered’s last blog post..Obsessed With SEO?
Hi Vered – thank you. It is annoying isn’t it? Like you say, all those articles can’t be great and it can really damage your credibility if you review crap.
I read that article by Skellie. I only ever asked folk to stumble one of my articles once and that was to expose an international company who’d ripped me off.
The way I see it – if you’re getting people to vote all your stuff, you can never know what readers actually like, so you know what they want more of.
.
Hi Mike – thank you. Hopefully that will get the message out to those pests who ask folk to vote everything they’ve written. And thank you too Vered, I notice you also stumbled this post.
Mike – I don’t blame you. I know you’re a top stumbler so I imagine you get a lot of annoying requests. It’s funny – I didn’t use StumbleUpon for a long time.
Then you stumbled my 107 Ultimate Resources for entrepreneurs. I didn’t have a clue what had happened for a long while – all this traffic was suddenly coming and I didn’t know why.
Even when I eventually joined – it took a while to click that it was you who’d done the stumbling, as you use a different user name to your real name. Thank you.
My stumble name was the name that I used to use on everything until I decide that it just felt better to write in the open and not “hide” behind a pseudonym. It comes from my interest in the American Civil War, where each army did it’s share of skedaddling.
I don’t know that I’m a “top” stumbler. I’ve just been there for over 4 years and have used it on a fairly regular basis.
Mike Goad’s last blog post..I was told yesterday that my last day of work is next Friday!
Cath -
This is a good topic, one I’ve been thinking a lot about myself lately. It seems I keep getting all kinds of requests of late from people I’ve never heard of who want me to add their link to blog or something.
What do you do with them? Reply? Delete? Send to spam?
I usually don’t reply – either delete or send to spam if I check out their site and it’s spammy looking.
I definitely think building relationships is worthwhile and necessary. Just expecting someone to link to you or whatever because you visited their site and grabbed their email address is kinda rude.
Often it seems the focus of what they want me to link to isn’t anywhere in alignment with my blog and would likely not be of any use to my readers.
~ Annie
Annie Anderson’s last blog post..Later today
Hi Annie – the linking thing is annoying isn’t it? I get so many requests from people asking me to add them to my blog roll. But if they’d bothered to look at my site, they’d see I don’t even have one. I used to but I like way too many blogs, so it would be huge. Plus, I think linking to posts I like benefits people more.
As for what to do with them – I personally don’t reply, I just delete them. Mind you – when they become too frequent – it really is tempting to put them in the spam folder.
Bad experiences? Not really – I don’t pay much attention to that kind of request, and hate asking people to promote my posts. The only exception is when I’m doing work for a client and want to test different bookmarking sites. In that case, I’m still only comfortable approaching people I know very well and let them know why I’m asking.
Brad Shorr’s last blog post..Timing Is Everything for Your Blogging Style
Hi Brad – I know what you mean. Asking strangers to do stuff for you just doesn’t seem right to me either. I would feel uncomfortable myself and I would hate to make them feel uncomfortable.
Cath,
That’s true – with a small geographical reach, it’s difficult with online networking. I did try 4networking which is quite good and the online element is good.
I won’t bother with it though until you can find people in your area to build up a conversation with.
Had a great holiday thanks.
Will try and check in a little more often now!
Ian Denny’s last blog post..Celebrate The End Of The Credit Crunch And Get A Free Laptop For Your Business – No Catch
Hi Ian – I’d not heard of 4networking before. But I’m sticking to businesses that don’t depend on my geographical location from now on. Mind you – you’ll be able to do that once you’ve replaced yourself.
Now – I’ve got to find out how to get a free laptop.
Cath,
Yes, it is better cultivating honest relationships than being a social media prostitute! I like helping people, but I don’t like feeling used.
I asked people to digg an article I wrote on environmental degradation in China a few weeks ago because I noticed it was getting a lot of hits twenty days later! I don’t follow my articles to see if they are getting hits. But I did that because 1. It was a damn good article I worked very hard on and is important information that isn’t dated, and 2. I can show it to another editor to get future writing jobs. I won’t do it again in the near future.
Cath, now I’m dying to know, what did you do to get banned from Stumble Upon? Sorry, I haven’t known you long enough to know this. But it sounds very juicy. E
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..The Forward Momentum of Bloggery (continued)
With my Professional Organizing business, I came to hate networking groups. They overly structured ones like BNI cost me more than the referrals I ever got. The referrals I did get were usually more references than referrals. I stopped going when I woke up one morning with a knot in my stomach thinking “oh my god! I haven’t reached my referral quota for the month!” – Nothing should be that stressful.
I had another group that I used more as a small business support group than networking and I did get business out of it, but only from a couple of people.
As I haven’t actually launched the money-making side of Someday Syndrome, I’m not sure what the online networking I’ve done over the past two years will do, but I’ve created some really strong connections (especially in the last two months) and send lots of love all over the place (especially to Men With Pens!).
We’ll see how it goes…
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..My Summer Someday List
Hi Ellen – that sounds like a really good reason to ask folk for help. And there’s nothing wrong with asking people occasionally.
I don’t mind you asking about StumbleUpon. Basically, I really loved StumbleUpon. But I discovered that some folk were going round thumbing down practically everything they read. I wrote about it in this post: http://cathlawson.com/blog/2008/04/01/are-you-sick-of-the-stumbleupon-freaks/ . It wasn’t so much what I said but a commenter confirmed that those people were using black hat SEO techniques to promote their spammy sites.
Basically – they used a bot to make it look as though I’d voted myself, then when I’d got loads of thumbs down etc – they removed those votes. They also broke into my computer and did a few other annoying things. SU didn’t listen to me, so I got banned & they didn’t. I wrote about it again in this post: http://cathlawson.com/blog/2008/05/11/is-stumbleupon-going-down-the-tubes/
Hi Mike – sorry – Askimet got you again. You must be a top stumbler – you have a huge amount of fans. It looks like you joined SU before I even knew what a blog was.
I wondered where you got the Skedaddle name from.
Hi Alex – I’m with you on BNI – only tried it a couple of times. It’s so false. And it’s bad enough meeting your own targets without having a referral quota.
Networking before you start a business is a really good idea. Not only do you get to know lots of great people, but you also get feedback on what folk want.
Hey send some love over here – Harry and James don’t need it (only kidding). Men with Pens are great – they designed this blog for me.
@Cath
I’d love to send love your way – beyond some link-love any business-love I can send your way?
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..My Summer Someday List
Hey Alex – I was kidding. But I’m working on a project right now and I’ll remember your offer. And you know where I am if you ever need some help.
BTW – I tried to answer that question you had on Blogging Without A Blog. Feel free to email me if you want to bounce any ideas off me. I love the concept of your blog.
Just going to bed Cath – I’ll email you tomorrow to continue the conversation from BWOB.
Alex Fayle’s last blog post..My Summer Someday List
I think the key to either online or in-person networking, is that it is genuine. Not a way to make a quick sale. Develop a relationship. I’ve found that to be pretty positive online. Although, I agree, there gets to be a point where you can cross over to abuse – with diggs and stumbles and such. You make a great point about you having been banned from Stumbleupon. In a true meaningful relationship, the person you are dealing with would know this. If they don’t, then it’s probably not quite as meaningful of a relationship, and then – they probably should be really limiting what kind of help they ask for.
Lance’s last blog post..Sunday Thought For The Day
Hi Catherine,
I don’t see anything wrong with helping those in my community with Stumbles or Diggs if I have time. But the one thing that concerns me is that bloggers can get addicted to those traffic numbers, and when the time comes they have to stand on their own two feet, and rely on their own words and normal traffic, they’ll experience a big let down.
Eventually reality sets in.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Four Day Open Mic – 8/21 to 8/24/08
Getting a free laptop? Easy. Forget emmigrating outside of the UK. Try the capital of culture. Those who base themselves here get to enter a draw for a laptop! And you have ample time – a full 6 days to pack up and move down south just a little.
And sample excellent football, a vibrant city centre, and a wonderful bowl of stew.
Mind you, Tory think-tanks say we should simply abandon the billions spent on the region, pack our bags, and go live down south.
Perhaps you should forget my suggestion. Instead, jump on the train and set yourself up in the smokey capital where everyone welcomes you with open arms and a friendly smile. Not.
Don’t worry about homelessness. Even though us impoverished Northerners can’t ever afford to buy down south, the warm and friendly welcome we’ll receive will more than compensate for us having to sell the Big Issue and live in doorways.
Sent you an email by the way – wasn’t sure whether your old address was still operational (have you moved from AOL?) so re-sent it to the new one mentioned on your site.
Ian Denny’s last blog post..Celebrate The End Of The Credit Crunch And Get A Free Laptop For Your Business – No Catch
Hi Alex – I’m looking forward to hearing from you. It’s a long time since I’ve done that kind of thing and stuff has changed a little since then, but I’d be happy to help.
Hi Lance – being genuine is important isn’t it? I see too many people focus on making a sale and if they manage to do that you don’t hear from them anymore. Instead of trying to make more sales, or get referrals, they move onto the next cash cow.
The Stumble Upon thing was major silly – I’ve blogged about it twice – also you’re allowed to add 200 friends on there. Why anyone would need to email additional people is beyond my belief.
Hi Barbara – I hear what you’re saying. I always dugg and stumbled good stuff folk in my community were writing. But it’s nice to do it without being asked isn’t it?
I’ve noticed the traffic drop off happen to a few people – especially with the new Alexa changes.
I love your 4 day open mike by the way – I’ve dropped by a few times. And I got my popular posts plugin. Thank you. I owe you an email – so you’ll be hearing from me soon.
LOL Ian – talking of the impoverished north, my daughter was reading something about how there was better opportunities down south. She was like – great – I hope everyone moves there, then I’ll feel a lot safer on the road on my bike.
Yes – I’m still with AOL. You know me – I always mean to change these things, but I take forever getting round to it.
Cath Lawson’s last blog post..Online Networking: Do I Hide From People Like You?
I am just starting to investigate all this digging and stumbling about. I do take offense when I comment on someone’s post and I get an automated email asking me to digg them, or whatever. I consider that brash. But then again, I refuse to give a standing ovation in a theatre if it doesn’t warrant it. Even if I’m the only one sitting down *smile*
As for building busines relationships, that takes years. In my ‘other life’ as an IT project manager, I have been on two huge projects in the last 10 years. I am only now really comfortable ‘calling in favours’ so to speak. Slow, steady and GENUINE is the way I do business.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..The Samson Factor
Hi – UP – I didn’t realise some of those emails were automated. Oh well, they’ll definitely be going in the spam folder now.
Time is really important factor isn’t it? Too many people expect to jump into bed with you, when you’ve said nothing much more than hello.
Hey, I found the post. Right there in front of my eyes.
That’s pretty crazy, Cath. I can’t believe some nuts broke into your computer. I’ll go and read your articles now.
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Freelance Business Burnout
Hi Ellen – Sorry. I’m trying to find a way to get related posts on all pages.
The computer thing was bad. That’s the trouble when the Internet is always on.
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I’m with the Panther on this one. I once stayed seated at a business conference of 1,000 folks during a standing ovation. I did it just to see what a public display of rebellion felt like. It felt good.
I also don’t like the stumble requests but I have no problem ignoring them because they are sent out in a group anyway. I don’t keep track and I hope no one else does either. That’s not living.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work’s last blog post..Time to Walk Away?
Good for you Tom – so many people just go along with what everyone else is doing cos they don’t want to be the odd one out. I’m sure the world would be a far better place if it wasn’t full of sheep.
Good point requests etc – they probably are sent out in a group. It isn’t living is it – doing it that way? That’s why I won’t use Digg much cos it seems like a lot of folk are just digging each others stuff without even looking at it.
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