You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence

October 22, 2008


Lack of self confidence may feel like a huge barrier, which prevents you from achieving your dreams. And it can, if you let it. Without self confidence, it’s almost impossible to do the things you need to, in order to achieve your goals.

But the good news is, that barrier to self confidence isn’t a barrier at all. If you look at it carefully, you’ll see that it’s really a hurdle for you to jump over, because lack of self confidence is something you can overcome.


You Were Born With Self Confidence

If you’re like I used to be, you probably look in awe, at folks who seem to have an abundance of self confidence. Wouldn’t it be amazing, if you too had been born as confident as they were? But the truth is, we’re all born with self confidence. If we weren’t, we’d never be able to achieve the bold and difficult task of pulling ourselves up onto our feet and taking those first few steps.

We Don’t Inherit Lack Of Self Confidence – We Learn It



“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” ~ Sally Field

It’s what happens after we’re born, that causes us to lack self confidence, or have heaps of it. If we’re praised constantly for our achievements and encouraged to do things that will take us out of our comfort zone, we’re less likely to have self confidence issues in the future.

But if those around us are constantly pulling us to bits and telling us not to bother trying new things, because we’ll fail, there’s a good chance we’ll be lacking in self confidence later in life.

And it’s not just the way other folk treat us, that causes us to lack self confidence. It can also be something we learn through watching others. If a parent, or close relative has a low self esteem, we’re more likely to copy their actions and negative beliefs.


If I Can Turn My Life Around So Can You

No matter how much you lack self confidence, you can still turn your life around. I should know, for many years, I had the self confidence of a gnat. And the trouble is, when you’re constantly being put down by folk around you, you begin to believe what you’re hearing.

So, I went through the first couple of decades of my life with a massive inferiority complex. I truly believed that everyone was better than me and no matter what the task was, I was always the worst performer. And things got worse before they got better.

In my early twenties, I suffered a violent attack which resulted in me suffering PTSD and also having a nasty scar on my face. By then, I rarely had the self confidence to leave the house alone. I’d hit rock bottom.


Rock Bottom Can Be Good For You

Hitting rock bottom can do you the world of good, because unless you decide to stay there, the only way you can go is up. And you no longer have to worry about making things worse than they are already.

Had that terrible thing not happened and I hadn’t wound up with PTSD, I probably wouldn’t have improved my life at all. I’d have drifted along, with the same lack of self confidence I had before. But I didn’t – I turned my life around and you can do the same.

You Have To Believe You’re Worth It

If you want to overcome lack of self confidence, you have to believe you’re worth saving. And you are. Remember – no matter how worthless other people have made you feel – it is not you that’s the problem, it’s them.

Folk who deliberately destroy the confidence of others have major problems. Things like jealousy, self esteem issues and desire to control are some factors that make them behave the way they do. But the important thing is, that you take steps to prevent them crushing your self confidence further.


Break All Ties With These Confidence Sucking Bullies

Toxic relationships can have a devastating effect on your self confidence. And if you can, try to break all ties with these confidence sucking bullies. And if you don’t feel that this is possible, at the very least, try to minimize contact with them.

Folk who lack self confidence when they’re younger, often wind up married to folk who treat them badly. Trouble is, these bullies tend to seek you out, because they realise you have self confidence issues. So you’re an easy target for them.

And if you’re in that type of marriage yourself, you’d be far better off ending it now. You’ll struggle to improve your self confidence, if you live with someone who’s constantly chipping away at it.

Same goes for friendships. If you hang out with someone who constantly makes you feel bad or puts you down, stop letting them attack your self confidence. Even if you’ve been friends with someone for years – if they deliberately make you feel bad, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favour if you walk away from the relationship.


What About Folk You Can’t Cut Off – Like Family?

Cutting ties with family members who try to damage your self-confidence isn’t so easy and for some people it’s just not possible. But you can still find ways to prevent them from having such a negative impact on your confidence, while you’re trying to re-build it. For a start, you could minimise contact with those who put you down and avoid being in the type of situation where they try to pull you to bits.

Once you’ve managed to break-off, or minimise contact with the confidence sucking folk in your life, there’s plenty of exercises you can use to banish your lack of self confidence for good. Here’s some of my favourites:

Exercise 1: Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence: Remind Yourself Of The Good Things.

“Self-confidence is the memory of success” ~ Author Unknown

Can you remember any good things folk have said about you in the past? Or a time you achieved something you felt proud of? It can be anything, no matter how small it seems. If you’re able to do that – it’s half the battle. And if you can’t think of anything right now – move onto another exercise, you can always try this one later.

Now – with that thought in your head about a good thing someone has said about you, or a thing you’ve achieved that made you proud, do the following:

Pinch your hand, or your ear, or anywhere that feels comfortable for you and while you’re doing so, keep that good thought in your head.

Try to do this simple exercise at least daily. And whenever you’re in a situation where you’re feeling less confident, or if someone has said something to put you down, do that little pinch and remember the good thought instead. Once you’ve done this a few times, the pinch will instantly remind you of the good thought.

Exercise 2: Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence: Reinvent Your Past

Reinventing your past, can be a powerful way to boost your self confidence. The idea is to trick your mind into believing that you’ve always been confident, always received unlimited amounts of praise and you’ve never been afraid to try new things.

Now I know you might be wondering whether it’s wise to trick your own mind. But don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe to do exercise like this. Remember, your mind is manipulated constantly by everything you hear, see and read. That’s why you lack self confidence. And you’re tricking your mind yourself to achieve from a positive outcome.

The easiest way to do this is through writing, but if you don’t like writing, you can always use a dictaphone and play your recording back to yourself. Or if you like drawing, you could draw pictures of these past events instead.


Re-Write Your History

You can rewrite the story of your past anyway you want, but writing in the first person is probably best – eg: “I walked up the hill, as opposed to She walked up the hill.”

You should try this exercise every day, for at least 30 days. And each time, make up situations where you did something well and received praise for doing so. And also write stories about difficult activities you attempted and how great you felt about yourself afterwards.

These activities don’t have to be things you’ve already done. You can choose things you’ve always wanted to try, but write as though you’ve already done them.

Try to add as much detail as possible, to make these situations feel real to you and read them back to yourself afterwards. Don’t worry, if you’re not writing prize winning fiction. Remember nobody else is going to read this stuff, it’s just for you, so switch off your internal editor as you write.

If you find it difficult to come up with situations to begin with, pick out situations from your past where you lacked self confidence, or someone put you down. And re-write the outcome so it’s a positive one.


Hypnosis Can Improve Your Lack Of Self Confidence

Hypnosis is a powerful way to help you overcome lack of self confidence. You could download a pre-made confidence building MP3 from the Internet. Or if you have the time, you could make your own self confidence hypnosis MP3, using stories like the ones I described in the writing exercise.

If neither of these ideas appeal – you could pay a hypnotist to help you improve your self confidence.

Exercise 3: Challenging Yourself Will Boost Your Self Confidence

By taking small steps and challenging yourself to do things that make you feel a bit uncomfortable, you’ll gradually build your self-confidence. And the more you manage to achieve, the more confident you will feel.

Depending on how you feel about yourself already – you may want to try something like going shopping or swimming alone. Or maybe you want to take a class, or learn an instrument or language.

An great way to accomplish these tasks is to write them down. It’s probably easier to do this on a weekly basis.

Write a list of things you want to achieve that week which you don’t feel confident about doing. Choose the first one and write down how you feel about attempting this task and what you think the outcome will be.

And once you’ve done that particular task, go back to your list and write down how you felt once you’d done it. Then compare it to what you wrote down before you attempted the task.

Most of the time, you will find that you felt a lot better after you’d done the task, than you did before-hand. And that will give you the confidence to try more new things.


Confidence Building Resources

Self Confidence Trainer CD

Self Confidence Trainer
(Double CD)

The Self Confidence Trainer leads you step-by-step towards greater confidence and self esteem.

Hypnosis Training
(CD or tape)

How to use hypnosis to help yourself and others


Readers Self Confidence Tips & Resources

1. Find that one thing you’ve always wanted to do. The one thing you’ve wanted to do for all your life. Start a business. Sky dive. Bungee jump. Swim with Dolphins. And then just do it. Stop thinking about it. Just do it. You’ll have the biggest high of your life and come out of it thinking you can beat anything and anyone. Jamie Harrop writes about learning the art of living our best lives at Jamie Harrop.com

2. One thing about bullies: in the short term, if you change the rules, they’re going to be very unhappy. They attempt to return to the status quo by escalating their behavior. It can get even more ugly depending upon how valuable the bully finds the dynamic. You see it time and time again with abusive marriages. The person trying to make the break gives in and the cycle starts all over again.
Betsy Wuebker writes about thoughts, photographs and observations, from wherever she finds herself at PassingThru.com

3. I feel that its important to choose the right occupation and/or hobbies which are in alignment with your natural areas of strength, talent, ability and motivation. When I worked as an accountant, although I was good with numbers, my occupation was a poor match to my areas of natural ability, and it just didn’t feel ‘right’ to me at all.

When I made a change and started teaching English, the new role came more naturally to me as I love the English language and I have considerably more natural talent in the ‘people’ orientated environment of teaching than I ever did in the ‘process’ orientated environment of accounting.
Andrew discusses ethical issues relating to business at GoodHonestDollar.com

My self confidence goes up and down. I feel I’m at my best when I’m really living in the moment. My self esteem goes down when I start obsessing about past or future worries.
Brad Shore writes about Business Blogs, Content Strategy and Copywriting at WordSellInc.com

As to getting rid of a family member who bullies, who is only happy at your misery, it IS possible. It hurts like hell to do it, but it hurts worse not to.
I’m glad that you learned – and told others – that self-confidence is LEARNED, like respect.
Rita shares amazing, educational and inspirational stories at Rita’s Digest

Reframing the past is an excellent tool for raising your self-confidence. A lot of the time self-confidence problems arise not so much from what happened, but how we interpreted what happened.

I also like self-hypnosis and breaking ties with those who try to suck our self confidence. I’ve often found that jealousy is the reason why people put others down. Also, another tool that I use which helps to build self-confidence is visualizing the desired outcome to an event while I’m meditating.
Marelisa writes about creativity, productivity and simplicity at Abundance Blog – Marelisa Online.

Having low self confidence or low self esteem is something we learn by our personal experiences in life and how we’re treated by others from the time we’re very young and into adulthood.

That in itself makes it important for parents to really give serious thought to the words and attitudes we may unknowingly be dumping on our children and how our words and actions may be creating low self confidence in our children, in order to begin taking necessary steps to build up self confidence in ourselves as well as our children. The effects can be very long lasting and detrimental to not only our own well-being, but also that of our kids.
Lin Burress writes about relationships, marriage and parenting at TellingItLikeItIs.net and she has written this excellent resource: Toxic Relationships – Toxic Family Members

I found that by just jumping into situations my self confidence has increased significantly. It helps to remember that you don’t have to have all the answers all of the time. Stacey writes about Personal Development


Related Reading On This Site

The Everlasting Gift That Costs Nothing
Toxic Relationships – Does Blood Matter?
From PTSD To Success – Is It Possible?
Is Fear Stunting Your Growth?
Beat Lack Of Self Confidence With Hypnosis Downloads

Why Madonna & Gardening Can Boost Your Self Confidence

Further Self Confidence Resources On Other Sites

10 Simple Tips To Improve Lack Of Self Confidence
Gaining Self Confidence – Tips You Need To Know
Self Confidence Tips From Successful Women
Lack Of Self Confidence? 10 Confidence Boosting Tips For Men

Image Credits

Self Confidence: by M Pincus
Break Ties: Weston Boyd
Past Achievements: WoodleyWonderWorks
Hypnosis Can Improve Lack Of Confidence: Glenn Brown

Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Twitter
  • Google Bookmarks
  • email
  • FriendFeed
  • Google Buzz

Comments

41 Responses to “You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence”

  1. Barbara Swafford on October 22nd, 2008 7:16 am

    Hi Catherine – I certainly find it commendable how you turned your life around and proceeded to become a business woman (in a man’s world). It couldn’t have been easy, but certainly by you teaching yourself how to build up your own self confidence, you did it. Kudos to you.

    I agree, others can expose us to so much verbal abuse our self confidence and self esteem ends up in the toilet. Those are toxic relationships that no one should have to endure. Thank goodness you’ve found your voice.

    Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..It’s All About Me – Part Two

  2. Jamie Harrop on October 22nd, 2008 8:31 am

    Hey Cath,

    Fantastic post, as always.

    As somebody who has always been fairly confident (apart from certain times in high school), I’m actually more impressed by those people who manage to deal with a lack of confidence, than those who are confident. I couldn’t imagine going for years with a lack of confidence, but many people do. It’s sad to see, but at the same time it’s quite amazing.

    My own tip to gain confidence is just to find that one thing you’ve always wanted to do. The one thing you’ve wanted to do for all your life. Start a business. Sky dive. Bungee jump. Swim with Dolphins. And then just do it. Stop thinking about it. Just do it. You’ll have the biggest high of your life and come out of it thinking you can beat anything and anyone.

    Jamie

    Jamie Harrop’s last blog post..A Connection Forces Me to Subscribe to Your Blog

  3. Betsy Wuebker on October 22nd, 2008 12:18 pm

    Hi Cath, this is a marvelous and comprehensive plan. I think being analytical about lack of confidence can have a disassociating or depersonalizing effect, making it easier to move when a person is ready. You’re somewhat less emotionally vested so you can make a break. Lack of self-confidence and depression are good buddies. If you an look at your situation from an outside perspective instead of feeling trapped inside it, you begin liberation.

    One thing about bullies: in the short term, if you change the rules, they’re going to be very unhappy. They attempt to return to the status quo by escalating their behavior. It can get even more ugly depending upon how valuable the bully finds the dynamic. You see it time and time again with abusive marriages. The person trying to make the break gives in and the cycle starts all over again.

    Isn’t it interesting that bullies often lack self-confidence as well? They think they’re getting some by positioning themselves as better than you in their own esteem. They know they are nothing without your participation in the dynamic, so when you change the terms, they must fight for what they need.

    Standing up for yourself against a bully, or to get yourself actively participating in a world outside the barrier of low self-confidence, is one of the most difficult things anyone will do. And as you pointed out, most severe cases (like me) have to wallow around in the muck at the bottom of Lake Despair before we push up toward the surface and break through into the light.

    Betsy Wuebker’s last blog post..SMALL

  4. Andrew on October 22nd, 2008 1:05 pm

    Cath,

    The issue of self esteem is one which has required work in my own life and will require further effort in the future.

    Accordingly, I don’t really feel qualified to give tips, but I will try one.

    I feel that its important to choose the right occupation and/or hobbies which are in alignment with your natural areas of strength, talent, ability and motivation. When I worked as an accountant, although I was good with numbers, my occupation was a poor match to my areas of natural ability, and it just didn’t feel ‘right’ to me at all.

    When I made a change and started teaching English, the new role came more naturally to me as I love the English language and I have considerably more natural talent in the ‘people’ orientated environment of teaching than I ever did in the ‘process’ orientated environment of accounting.

    Andrew’s last blog post..IBAT – Showing how cooperation produces results

  5. cathlawson on October 22nd, 2008 3:59 pm

    Hi Barbara – thank you. I honestly believe that if I could do it, anyone can. You know – I almost didn’t do it at all – at one point, I was beginning to accept that my life was kind of over.

    Toxic relationships are bad for anyone’s confidence aren’t they? And they can seem quite difficult to escape from – but once you actually do it, you realise it’s not that difficult at all.

    Hi Jamie – thank you. That’s a great tip – and so true. Achieving an awesome goal like that does give people the confidence to believe they can do anything they want.

    Hi Betsy – That’s a brilliant point re: Bullies. If they realise you want to break free, they do tend to make your life more difficult in order to stop you from doing so. I’m going to add this to the further reading section too.

    Hi Andrew – I can imagine that someone would feel far less confident doing something that didn’t match their natural abilities. And doing as you did and changing direction, enables you to do something which you shine at. And that would definitely make you feel more confident.

  6. Brad Shorr on October 22nd, 2008 4:17 pm

    Hi Cath, My hat is off to you for writing such an honest, informative, useful, and inspiring post. I’ve been close to many people over the years with serious self confidence issues. I wish I could go back in time and share what you’ve written with a few of them. It’s so easy to just give up. My self confidence goes up and down. I feel I’m at my best when I’m really living in the moment. My self esteem goes down when I start obsessing about past or future worries. Maybe I should start meditating again … Thanks again for this awesome post.

    Brad Shorr’s last blog post..Did I Really Send That??

  7. chris on October 22nd, 2008 8:46 pm

    Yes, lack of confidence is taught and learned. I like this post. It’s a nice change of pace.

    I pretty much agree with what Rita has said…

    chris’s last blog post..The Economy, The Environment, My Children

  8. cathlawson on October 22nd, 2008 8:56 pm

    Hi Rita – thank you. I know it must sound crazy to some people that PTSD has been helpful. And you know as well as I do that it can be a bloody awful thing. But I do think it has helped me to build my confidence.

    Hi Chris – thank you. I figured I would experiment with some longer posts. Just knowing that it’s is learned and can be unlearned will hopefully help some folk.

  9. cathlawson on October 22nd, 2008 9:00 pm

    Hi Brad – Askimet got you again. Thank you – Thinking about the past and future instead of living in the moment does make things worse doesn’t it? I think you should start meditating again – it certainly helps me a lot. I will add that to the resources section.

  10. Marelisa on October 22nd, 2008 9:18 pm

    What a great resource Cath. Reframing the past is an excellent tool for raising your self-confidence. A lot of the time self-confidence problems arise not so much from what happened, but how we interpreted what happened. I also like self-hypnosis and breaking ties with those who try to suck our self confidence. I’ve often found that jealousy is often the reason why people put others down. Also, another tool that I use which helps to build self-confidence is visualizing the desired outcome to an event while I’m meditating.

    Marelisa’s last blog post..12 Superb Ways to Be Happier

  11. Lin Burress on October 22nd, 2008 11:17 pm

    Cath, I’m so glad you’ve written about the importance of self confidence as well as the effects of dealing with toxic relationships and toxic family members. Having low self confidence or low self esteem is something we learn by our personal experiences in life and how we’re treated by others from the time we’re very young and into adulthood.

    That in itself makes it important for parents to really give serious thought to the words and attitudes we may unknowingly be dumping on our children and how our words and actions may be creating low self confidence in our children, in order to begin taking necessary steps to build up self confidence in ourselves as well as our children. The effects can be very long lasting and detrimental to not only our own well-being, but also that of our kids.

    You asked about any resources. How about this one that discusses both toxic relationships AND toxic family members and necessary actions to take when dealing with either one?

    http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/08/toxic-relationships-toxic-family-members.html

    Cath, edit the comment however you prefer. Anyone interested in reading the article can simply click on my name if that is the preferred way.

    Lin Burress’s last blog post..By: Telling It Like It Is | The Rising Blogger

  12. Lin Burress on October 22nd, 2008 11:19 pm

    LOL Cath, after I clicked on “submit comment” it cracked me up that my “last blog post” was listed as the rising blogger (something from a long time ago LOL). My most recent one, as you well know, was about How to Quit Smoking. LOL!!!

    Lin Burress’s last blog post..By: Telling It Like It Is | The Rising Blogger

  13. Davina on October 23rd, 2008 12:46 am

    Hi Cath. I read this last night and had to go away and marinate in a response. The first thing that came to mind when I finished reading this was, “You’re a doll!” I so appreciated the genuine truth you shared here — the softer side of you :-)

    I liked the idea that we are born with self-confidence and any perceived lack is learned through reacting to life’s experiences. And to echo many of the other comments, it is inspiring to read how you turned an unfortunate experience into a positive opportunity for growth. “You have to believe you’re worth saving.” — this is SO important! Thanks Cath!

    Davina’s last blog post..25 Words That Connect Us ? Frosty Sunrise

  14. Jannie on October 23rd, 2008 3:42 am

    I have tons of self confidence. Sticking with something is my problem.

    Jannie’s last blog post..Addicted in Austin

  15. Stacey / Create a Balance on October 23rd, 2008 3:44 am

    Thanks for these tips. I found that by just jumping into situations my self confidence has increased significantly. It helps to remember that you don’t have to have all the answers all of the time.

    Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..Introducing My Authentic Self

  16. Lin Burress on October 23rd, 2008 4:42 am

    Thanks Cath! I appreciate the link.

    Lin Burress’s last blog post..How to Quit Smoking Cigarettes & Stop Smoking For Good

  17. Robin on October 23rd, 2008 4:44 am

    Hi Cath – what a fantastic post!

    I really loved reading how you turned things around, and I think your tips are great. (and I’m so sorry about the attack – I get what you are saying about it working out well in the long run)

    I had terribly bad self-esteem as a kid, and it was not much better as a young adult. I can’t think of a tip at the moment – like Davina I might have to go and “marinate” it.

    I think my first glimpse of new possibilities might have been when I read ‘Fat is a Feminist Issue’ by Susie Orbach, when I was about 26.(as it had a psychological approach)

    Robin’s last blog post..Emotional Balance

  18. 10/23/2008 Writing Jobs and Links | PoeWar on October 23rd, 2008 6:33 am

    [...] You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence: You just have to believe. No, wait. Well, read the article, it makes more sense. [...]

  19. Wendi Kelly-Life's Little Inspirations on October 23rd, 2008 2:24 pm

    Cath,

    That was a very well written and very powerful post. With a lot of great resources as well. I am one of those people who knows full well what the bottom of a barral looks like so I could relate to a lot of what you wrote.

    I also know that self-confidence can come and go, so if it happens to be missing at the moment, don’t dispair, that doesn’t mean it’s gone forever, Figuring out what message you are learning from the present situation and taking the first action step needed for change is often the first quick step toward moving in the right direction.

    Thanks for a good read.

    Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirations’s last blog post..Teeter-Totter Tribulations

  20. Kathy @ virtual Impax on October 23rd, 2008 4:04 pm

    Cath,

    GREAT POST, as always! I swear, it seems like you have my home office bugged!!!

    I’ve recently had some of the “bullies” who made it their life goal to destroy my self esteem show back up in my life. Thanks for reminding me to just say “NO!”

    Kathy @ virtual Impax’s last blog post..If it ain’t broken, PLEASE don’t fix it!

  21. Evelyn Lim on October 23rd, 2008 4:07 pm

    Hi Cath, I like the idea of using hypnosis to deal with self confidence issues. I’ve seen how hypnosis can help. It works on the subconscious levels and can generate effective results than a lot of other methods. Thanks for sharing how difficult your personal life journey had been for you. It takes courage to write about these kind of stuff, I know. And I applaud you for daring to share!!

    Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Be Careful What You Wish For

  22. cathlawson on October 23rd, 2008 5:33 pm

    Hi Davina – I LMAO when I first read this – does this mean I usually come across as a bossy dragon?

    Convincing yourself you’re worth it is a really important part of regaining your self confidence. And we’re all worth it.

    Thanks for the resource Lin. As you say – sometimes folk don’t realise what harm they’re doing to their children – they say things without giving it proper thought. And they do a whole heap of damage without realising. I guess, as parents, it’s something we’ve all got to be careful of.

    Hi Jannie – I must admit I’ve suffered that problem in the past too. I think that once you’ve found something you really really love doing, you’ll find it easier.

    Hi Robin – Thank you. I guess your self-esteem issues contributed to the inability to allow yourself to feel your emotions, that you mentioned in your last post.

    I vaguely remember that book, but I don’t think I read it. It was out a really long time ago.

    Hi Rita – LOL – I always knew you were Stephen King in disguise. I bet some folk do exactly what you just said. It would require a lot of creativity if they had to keep it up every day.

    But, if their fake self was a huge improvement on their real experience, it could have a positive impact on them in the long run. And if their story was interesting enough – it would certainly bring them attention.

    This is not exactly the same thing – there’s a lot of fakers out there who claimed to have made heaps of cash just to attract attention. And it worked. I know who some of them are, as they sometimes change their story a little and forget that some people might remember the original.

    Hi Wendi – That’s a really good point. Sometimes it does come and go doesn’t it? But as you say – it’s not lost forever and sometimes it’s part of a learning experience,

    Hi Kathy – you caught me out. That is bad news. You stick to your guns and keep them firmly shut out of your life.

    Hi Evelyn – thank you. Isn’t hypnosis fab? It’s helped me with so many things this year.

  23. Davina on October 23rd, 2008 9:54 pm

    Hi Cath. Now I’m LMAO! No, not necessarily a bossy dragon… just fiercely assertive; here you are wisely reflective.

    Davina’s last blog post..25 Words That Connect Us ? Frosty Sunrise

  24. Ian Denny on October 23rd, 2008 11:49 pm

    Cath,

    (Been very busy sorry!).

    That was one of the best posts I’ve ever read – by anyone.

    And everything in it, is a great distillation of a combination of experiences which rings absolute truth to me. If I’d read that 8 years ago, I wouldn’t have gone through what I recently did.

    Some of the things you suggest, I have used. For example, just picturing the fantastic future as though it has already happened is incredibly powerful.

    I’m beginning to live that now. My business partner is incredibly good at doing this, and we egg each other on in this kind of thinking. And success breeds success when you think like this.

    I think ” you have limiting beliefs” when people say “no” or “you can’t do that”. Quite simply, “you can”. Why am I any different the pioneering person who did something for the first time?

    They thought – “what if we could travel to the moon?”. And the first person to dream this and make it a reality was inevitably ridiculed by virtually everyone around them.

    But it’s possible. And why not?

    Ian Denny’s last blog post..IT Helpdesk And Field Support Vacancies

  25. Patricia on October 24th, 2008 4:03 am

    Cath,
    My first thought was about a T shirt I saw on my daughter’s nursery school teacher. It said, “it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” and what a release that was for me from my sibling abuse situation. I think I had enough confidence to always make lemonade out of life’s lemons, but I needed to keep quiet about it and not stick out to survive.
    My second thought is this is my new neighbor’s tenth birthday and she just radiates that girl confidence and joy that seems to disappear for females later in life. I hope we who have gone before can preserve some of that “spunk” in the next generation?
    Very well written piece and well presented. Thank you for sharing your story and your turning point .
    I have found I must find a point of “discomfort” in order to achieve the best changes and most lasting changes in my life – many have been very painful.
    Thank you for all your suggestions and insights. I learned something new today – and that is always a great gift.

    Patricia’s last blog post..The Ants Go Marching 10 by 10

  26. cathlawson on October 24th, 2008 2:08 pm

    Hi Davina – Thanks. I asked Stuart and he thinks I am bossy. I did point out that I’m used to telling him what to do, because he used to work for me. He said he doesn’t work for me now – he’s my husband. Stupid me – I thought that was the same thing.

    Hi Ian – Thank you. That’s weird, I was just saying last night that I hadn’t heard from you in a while. And don’t apologise for being busy – busy is good.

    I’m glad visualization has been working for you. And what you say is so true. If someone else managed to do all these things, so can you.

    Hi Patricia – Thank you. What a brilliant t-shirt slogan. And what you say about discomfort is so true. No pain, no gain, as they say.

  27. Steve Errey on October 24th, 2008 4:02 pm

    Hey Cath

    You’re right about hitting bottom being a great tool for turning things around. It was only after I spent time on a cocktail of anti-depressants and not grasping the fundamentals of how to live a life (honest – I couldn’t even speak because I couldn’t grasp the thread of conversations) that I built myself back together piece by piece. It sucked – big time – but I don’t regret it.

    Also like your insight about shifting perspective and giving a new meaning to things. Our brains are a big machine that gives meaning to all the information it takes in, and sometimes it attaches a meaning to something that gets in our way or reduces the opportunity. Figuring out what something actually means to you can be incredibly liberating.

    You’re also right about challenge. Your confidence grows when it’s stretched – just like muscle tissue. That’s why I always say that you’re as confident as you need to be to live the life you’re living right now, because your confidence is the perfect size to deliver against what’s required of it.

    To have, do or be more – to live a bigger life – you need to stretch yourself. That’s when you give your confidence a chance to grow.

    And everyone deserves that.
    Steve

    Steve Errey’s last blog post..3 Strategies to Conquer Your Fears

  28. cathlawson on October 24th, 2008 5:48 pm

    Hi Steve – it sounds like you had a really awful time and it’s great that you managed to turn things round.

    I love the way you explain confidence – especially how you explain that you’re confident as you need to be to live the life you’re living right now. That is so true.

  29. Davina on October 24th, 2008 8:14 pm

    Hi Cath…. You are a barrel of laughs. All my best to Stuart! :-)

    Davina’s last blog post..Awakening To A Balanced Life

  30. Kim Woodbridge on October 24th, 2008 9:35 pm

    Hi Cath – I am sorry about the attack. It seems that you found a way to use something so terrible to turn your life around.

    I’ve struggled with confidence for most of my adult life. I’m not sure where there lack of it came from as my mother was always very encouraging. Though it may have grown through a series of negative relationships.

    My marriage fell apart at the beginning of this year and the events that transpired were truly devastating. But they made me turn my life around too. I started my blog and have started freelancing to do the work I’ve always wanted to do. Blogging and building a community is very helpful in building confidence. I wouldn’t have done these things even a year ago because I wouldn’t have thought that I was good enough.

    It’s funny though – people tell me that they think I’m very confident when they first meet me and they are surprised when they discover that I’m not. Maybe it’s the way I walk :-)

    Thank you so much for this article. It’s wonderful.

    Kim Woodbridge’s last blog post..WordPress: Security Update 2.6.3 Released

  31. cathlawson on October 25th, 2008 7:31 am

    LOL Davina – he hasn’t seen this. I’m supposed to tell him before I write about him.

    Hi Kim – Thank you. Good for you turning things round. It sounds like relationship problems really battered your self confidence. It’s interesting that you feel more confident doing what you really want to do.

    Andrew mentioned earlier in the thread that changing to an occupation that was better suited to him helped a lot too. It must be an important factor.

  32. Small Things Can Still Eat You | Catherine Lawson on October 25th, 2008 10:22 am

    [...] started laying out some longer posts, to benefit time starved readers to, beginning with this one: You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence. The idea is, that if you’re in a rush – you still get the main points of the article from [...]

  33. Stacey / Create a Balance on October 27th, 2008 3:38 am

    Hi! Thanks for the added link love.

    Stacey / Create a Balance’s last blog post..Traffic Accident – In a Flash

  34. cathlawson on October 27th, 2008 12:06 pm

    You’re welcome Stacey :)

  35. You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence « Becky’s Weblog on October 28th, 2008 7:34 pm

    [...] Link:http://cathlawson.com/blog/2008/10/22/you-can-overcome-lack-of-self-confidence/ Tags: self confidence [...]

  36. How Do You React When Folk Are Mean? on December 21st, 2008 3:13 pm

    [...] You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence: We’re all born with self confidence. It’s what happens afterwards that builds us up, or brings us down. But no matter what happens, we can build our self confidence again – and if I can do it, anybody can. [...]

  37. Jake Grohl on March 18th, 2009 8:54 pm

    Some good information here. Just blog-hopping, checking what’s out there within my niche. Keep up the good work!

    Jake Grohl’s last blog post..Open Question: what is dr. suzanne’s gudakunst secret?

  38. 5 Reasons Why You’re Not Happy | Catherine Lawson on November 25th, 2009 10:51 pm

    [...] 6 Little Success Tips So Why Do I Feel Like Shit? Silva Life System Review Part 2 How To Attract Amazingly Positive People You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence [...]

  39. Skip on January 27th, 2010 11:14 am

    Thank you so much for posting this. I have been following these tips and my life has been transformed. Before I was a wreck, divorced, unemployed, treated like a doormat by everyone. Now it feels like I am really turning my life around – I’ve got a gret new job, a girlfriend half my age, and I feel I owe it all to you.
    Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!

    Skip’s last blog post..Highway to Hate

  40. Calm Growth . com » 36 Resources For Building Your Self-Confidence on March 26th, 2010 12:14 am

    [...] 16. You Can Overcome Lack Of Self Confidence [...]

  41. How To Be Lucky | Catherine Lawson on July 2nd, 2010 7:19 am

    [...] Nobody Reading Your Blog? Learn How To Do It Right Lacking Self Confidence? Learn How To Overcome It [...]

Content Protected Using Blog Protector By: PcDrome.