How Not to Behave in a Networking Group
September 26, 2007
Have you ever been a member of a networking group? If you were a new business owner, visiting your first group, the one I attended today might have put you off for life.
It was a women in small business networking group, and there were only about 9 people in attendance. And I’ve been to plenty of networking events before, so I felt perfectly comfortable. But anyone turning up for the first time, might not have felt that way.
Anyway, when there are any new members, everyone has to take turns to describe briefly who they are, and what there business is.
Well - it came to my turn and I like to be brief, so I said, “I’m Catherine Lawson and I run a fast response plumbing business.” So then, this sour faced woman began asking me about my business - “Do you do gas?” I explained that we don’t yet, but one of our plumbers is taking a gas training course.
Now plumbing is a pretty wide market, so you’ve got to specialise, and gas isn’t something we want to specialise in. But this woman didn’t let it rest there. She started going on about how she didn’t see the point in having a plumbing company that didn’t do gas work etc etc. In short, she completely tore my business apart, in front of everyone in the room.
Luckily for me, I’m not new to business. And although I was new to the group, I had met 4 of the members before. But, the sour faced woman didn’t know that. In fact for all she knew, this may have been my first new business and my first networking experience ever. And her mean comments and complete rubbishing of my business might have put me off ever attending one again.
But, I bit my tongue, and I almost bit it off later, when she gave her opinions on a course we were discussing. The course was about self protection awareness for women in business - eg. precautions you should take when staying alone in hotels etc.
Well, sour face told the group she didn’t see the point in that kind of thing and that women who worried about being attacked, abducted etc, probably attracted it anyway. She personally had stayed in hotels with many men before, and they hadn’t so much as tried it on with her.
At this point, I practically had to stuff the nearest cushion in my mouth to stop myself from telling her that with a face and attitude like that - she could probably strip naked and cartwheel across the room, and nobody would “try it on with her”.
I really don’t understand what planet these people are on when they attend this type of meeting. The point is to meet people, build trusting relationships and refer one another to those who might benefit from our services. What is the point of going along and being a complete mean bitch. Nobody is going to refer your business. Plus you run the risk of crushing the confidence of anyone new to business.
If she does the same next month I will find it difficult not to tell her where to stick her opinions. Have you ever been in this type of situation before and how did you deal with it?
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7 Responses to “How Not to Behave in a Networking Group”
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No wonder she thinks she should attend a networking group, that kind of attitude must not get her business very far!
Her statements about assault are particularly shocking. I’m half tempted in such cases to with an assault on those people, except that it’s a horrible thing. But the thought crosses my mind.
The easiest way to deal with it is to assure yourself the majority of people on this planet with any sense will agree with you.
Look around the room? Is anyone nodding to what she says? If they are, avoid them too.
Most will probably be half-smiling or themselves looking at the reactions of others.
The worst thing you can do is dignify her opinions by starting a row in public. Let’s give people the benefit of the dount at first - they may be just be having a bad day.
But if it’s repeated or becomes unbearable, I think it is best to speak privately and away from others so it doesn’t degenerate in a group setting.
I’d recommend thanking her for her opinions. Validating them by saying, “yes, there is some merit in moving into gas, but it’s part of my medium term plan”.
And then “I appreciate what you said, but can I just say that I felt a little hurt that you said that in front of others. I appreciate your concern for my business, but if you do have opinions, I’d appreciate it if you could air them privately”.
Either that, or find out her itinerary and visit the next hotel she’s staying at, don a balaclava, and beat her up in the lift.
Ian - I love the balaclava idea. And I do hope the others didn’t take a lot of notice. I didn’t get the chance to respond because someone else cut her off but I think she left them with the impression that you need to be Corgi registered to be a plumber, which is so untrue.
Apparently you are supposed to make a joining decision after 2 or 3 visits and pay your £15 for the year. Am going to ask the organiser if she can put her on the spot and hopefully she will be too mean to pay.
Unfortunately - she isn’t one of those who was invited to join - she just somehow found out about it and turned up!
A typical kind of person that can’t find the attention of others on her qualities rather she tries to find that attention by attacking others. Makes her feel special, i believe (well after all, come on, even she said that no one was trying on her even when she was alone on hotel). I love psychology and I used to play with people minds (especially those that I first met and had a similar attitude as your new friend cath
but lately I am so stressed that I don’t even want to hear them.
In any case, if I was on your place, and I knew more about the topic on which we discuss definitively I would continue the subject with a low voice and a idiotic smile in my face which would be out loud saying “You have no clue about what I want, nor about how things work”, guide her deeper into that same topic and make her reveal all her (lets call it) knowledge infront of all the others (yeah I know, sometimes I don’t know where the limit is, when I am attacked from people just because they want some attention). But after all, i would have sound a bit mean (and lost sympathy of some of the people maybe and gained the sympathy of others), what you did was quiet smart, but heck Cath don’t let others tell you what and how should your business be, you know more than anyone about your business, you know how far you can go with your business.
If i was on that meeting, I would of definitievely defend you (even If i did not knew you) because I am one of those kind of bastards (since always) that LOVES to take the part of the person that is attacked without any reason.
Anyway i am writing lots of BS so i better stop, things like this really get me.
KTBA next time
I wrote a complaint email and apparently I was the 3rd person to complain about her today, so I think they are going to try to ban her!
Ok so the KTBA process is working out heh? Can you please record her voice when she will “ouch” during the KTBA ?
Catherine, I feel sorry for you.
What a witch you had to deal with.
Sounds like she wishes she would get attacked…yeah, right!
Unfortunately, there are many more like her in this world, and this is probably not the last time you will encounter someone like her. The best thing you can do, is to be prepared, for that next time.
I agree with Ian, next time, graciously (while biting lip), say “thank you”,…..That could shut her up.
Or, you could say something like, “Oh, I didn’t realize you were an expert in the plumbing business, do you have any other ideas you would like to share?”
As it’s written, “Give them enough rope, and they’ll hang themselves.”