Don’t Be Like The Women On The Titanic

August 14, 2008

“If I wrote a book (ha ha), I know what picture I would put on the front cover. I have this fridge magnet - you bought it for me, Lisa, long time ago. I can’t remember exactly what it says and I can’t be bothered to go downstairs and see, but it’s this black and white photo of some Edwardian-type women sitting at a table, and it says something about the ladies on the Titanic, who waved away the dessert cart. Makes me laugh every time I remember to notice it. I’d call my book something like Life’s Short: Eat Pudding First. Could be a Christmas best seller that could.

You can’t just do that when you get ill, girls. (Maternal lesson alert!) You have to do it all the time. Do it always. Life is short. Even if you don’t get cancer, even if you die an old lady in your bed. It’s still a blink and you miss it, ever increasing speed, white-knuckle ride.” an extract from the novel - Things I Want My Daughters To Know by Elizabeth Noble.

Wasn’t that a powerful extract? We all mean to live every second of our lives as though it could be the last. But life often gets in the way and it’s easy to forget that the present is a gift to be enjoyed.

The novel was given to me by my two wonderful children, Jessica and Joshua. It’s centred around the lives of four daughters who have lost their mother to cancer and the letters and journal she left them when she died.

And it made me realise that aside from letting my children know how much I love them - there’s other things I want them to know too, so they don’t make the mistakes I made. For a start - I want them to know they always have choices. And it’s not worth wasting your life in a bad marriage, or a job you hate, or any other undesirable situation. There’s always a way out - no matter how bad things seem.

Also, they should grab every single piece of happiness they can - don’t be like the women on the Titanic who waved the dessert trolley away.

What words of wisdom would you leave in a letter to your children?

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Comments

24 Responses to “Don’t Be Like The Women On The Titanic”

Vered on August 14th, 2008 6:26 pm

I would tell them to never aim for perfection. Both of them already do and it worries me.

But you know, they WILL have to make their own mistakes and learn some things the hard way. History is often destined to repeat itself.

Vered’s last blog post..No More Bikini Mishaps (Wordless Wednesday)
cathlawson on August 14th, 2008 6:45 pm

Hi Vered - Aiming for perfection is dangerous isn’t it? But, as you say, like you - they will learn that eventually.

Do you worry that your children will make the same mistakes as you? I know you studied to be a lawyer because that was what your mum wanted for you. But I’m guessing that you’d encourage your children to make their own choices.
Vered on August 14th, 2008 7:56 pm

I would, but what if I go too far in the opposite direction and provide no guidance for them? Also, I was raised in a perfectionist atmosphere and I sometimes worry that I am too laid back as far as their academics go.

Sigh. Parenting is tough.

Vered’s last blog post..No More Bikini Mishaps (Wordless Wednesday)
Mike Goad on August 14th, 2008 8:31 pm

L,L,L….

Live, Love, and Leave a legacy.

Mike Goad’s last blog post..Global Warming? August in Arkansas 2008
Writer Dad on August 14th, 2008 9:24 pm

You can always make more money. You can NEVER make more minutes.
Kelly@SHE-POWER on August 14th, 2008 10:53 pm

I find this a tough one because in many ways I still feel ike I am finding my feet in parenting and in life.

But I would tell him:

1. Life will knock you down, but know that you are always be strong enough to get back up.

2. You are perfect and amazing just the way you are.

3. Follow your dreams. I believe you can do anything you set your mind to as long as you remember great achievements can require work and compromise. You have to decide for yourself what prices you are prepared to pay for what you want. Life is one BIG compromise.

3. Decide for yourself what your ethics and values are and live by them. Do not relenquish them for anyone or anything. I hope you will choose to have honour, empathy for others and a giving heart.

4. Your best is good enough.

5. Love completely and openly. Be generous.

6. See the best in people and in yourself and your life will be joyous. This does not mean taking whatever people dish out.

Sometimes good people do mess up and hurt others and you can’t take it personally. It’s their stuff. Set your boundaries and demand to be treated with respect. People who cannot do this may need to be released from your life with love and compassion. Your paths are not going the same way right now. That’s okay - it’s life.

Actually Cath, this has been a great exercise. I might have to print this out and put it on my fridge so I remember what I want Bunny to learn from me.

Glad you’re home.

Kel x

Kelly@SHE-POWER’s last blog post..Has Photo Retouching Gone Too Far?
Barbara Swafford on August 15th, 2008 12:47 am

Hi Catherine,

What a thought provoking post.

I would tell them to LIVE their life, follow their heart, remember all choices have consequences (good or bad), be strong, be brave, be kind, show love, treasure your family and friends, spend wisely but don’t pinch your pennies so closely you don’t see the dollars go by. I’m sure I would tell them a lot more, but overall, I would want them to be happy and if I was dead, I would want them to celebrate my life, not mourn my death.

Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Your Audience - Hitting The Bulls Eye
Andy on August 15th, 2008 1:45 am

I would want my children to know:

1) Tranquility is only 10 deep breaths away.

2) Nothing in Heaven costs money so they might as well get used to living like money isn’t important.

3) Harsh face cleansers won’t clear up their acne as well as good ol’ unscented bar soap will.

4) It is OK to laugh at farts well into adulthood.

5) No matter how well they dress, how nice they act, what kind of car they drive, how hard they work and how much pressure they put on themselves, there are still going to be people in this world that don’t like them. They are better off working to impress themselves long before trying to impress others.

6) Praying and eating Lasagna miraculously cures just about everything.

7) They had better get their butts to church every Sunday.

Andy’s last blog post..Pictures taken at exactly the right (or wrong) angle
cathlawson on August 15th, 2008 2:05 am

Hi Vered - Good point - they still need guidance. Parenting is tough and trouble is, so many kids have to decide what they want to do with their lives long before they really know.

Kids leave school way later in the States. It’s common for them to leave at 16 here in the UK, which is way too young IMHO.

Hi Mike - that’s a good one and easy to remember. I guess leaving a legacy is important to many of us. I’m hoping we’ll actually be able to buy our own domain names a few years down the line for a reasonable price instead of renting them.

Hi Rita - It was a brilliant idea for a fridge magnet wasn’t it? And it’s a lovely book - you’d like it.

Eating dessert is tough - I don’t think I’ve mastered that yet, but I want to. And
“Roots, wings and power” - that’s beautiful advice.

Hi Writer Dad - That’s so important. When you’re younger - you feel like you’ve all the time in the world - but it disappears so quickly.

Hi Kelly - I love your collection. “Your best is good enough” - that is so important. So many people seem to believe that their best is never good enough.

Hi Barbara - “LIVE your life” - that’s so important. It’s easy just to go along existing without actually living isn’t it? Getting folk not to mourn your death is a tough one isn’t it? Many people want it, but I’m guessing few achieve it completely.

Hi Andy - I love point 5 - and it’s so true - no matter what you do, some folks won’t like you. Too many people worry about what they’ve done to upset others and what they can do to put it right - when they don’t need to change a thing.
Evelyn Lim on August 15th, 2008 2:23 am

Thanks for the reminder!! I’ve been thinking about these lately, about the words that I would like to share with my two girls. There is so much that can be said that I haven’t got a chance to really sit down and clear my thoughts. One day…!!

Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..How To Build Intuitive Awareness For Inspired Actions
Monika Mundell on August 15th, 2008 2:50 am

Hi Cath,

If I had kids I would help them to see how beautiful the world is despite all the negatives. I would also show them that most people will want to be loved, regardless of race and ethnicity and they too strive for happiness in their lives, regardless whether they pray to the Koran or Jesus.

I would further teach my children respect. I think respect has left the world somewhere between the 1980’s and today. Especially toward the elderly.

I would tell my child that no matter what other people say, your are beautiful, both inside and out.

Never be afraid to follow your heart and go for your dreams.

Failure is only a stepping stone to better and happier times.

Love with all your heart. If you get knocked down you will be strong enough to keep going.

Always treasure your inner child. Show your playful side and stay tuned with the energies of the universe, regardless how old you are.

Embrace life

Monika Mundell’s last blog post..Humble Reality Check And The Art Of Living
cathlawson on August 15th, 2008 3:20 am

Hi Evelyn - I guess it’s one of those things many folk don’t ever get round to doing. I suppose that just thinking about it reminds us of our own immortality.

Rita - You crack me up. George Bush indeed. Do you really expect me to believe he could write such fyne wuurds?

Hi Monika - those are lovely things to share with your children when you have them. “Always treasure your inner child” - that is important isn’t it. So many of us are told not to do these things, as we “grow up”. But I guess a lot of what we’re taught is not how to grow up - but how to fuck up.
cathlawson on August 15th, 2008 5:15 am

Hi Rita - you haven’t done anything you need to apologise for. For a minute I wondered if that Bush guy had been plagiarising your work.
Davina on August 15th, 2008 7:06 am

I never had children, but one thing my mom used to say has stayed with me. “No matter what happens in my life, at least I can say that I have 3 beautiful daughters that I love and am proud of.” That always made my heart swell because I knew that she loved me; not only from the words, but from the feeling behind them.

I would tell my children to be proud of who they are and to respect others in the same way.

Davina’s last blog post..I Dreamt I Died
elaine b. on August 15th, 2008 9:54 am

Wow!! This is so powerful. I had the same epiphany yesterday, when my cousin sent me an email with a bunch of heart wrenching images and I made it into video…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoOWh1r0aoU
In case you want to see.

elaine b.’s last blog post..A Perfect Image-Pinkpoochdesigns.com
cathlawson on August 15th, 2008 10:04 am

Hi Elaine - Thanks for sharing that incredibly moving video. I’m going to move the link into the main post so others can share it.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach on August 15th, 2008 10:16 am

Great post! I tell my kids:

1.) You own your own life and your own happiness - nobody else has that responsibility.

2.) When you’re about to exhale your last breath, remember, nobody yodeled out, Oh! If only I had spent more time on Twitter! Family time can never be reclaimed.

3.) The best relationship is that where by yourselves, you’re perfectly content…but when you’re together, you enhance the life’s experience for each other. No co-dependence required!

Enjoy,

Barbara

Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach’s last blog post..Today’s Thought to Share - Birthdays are about memories
cathlawson on August 15th, 2008 11:43 am

Hi Barbara - That’s some great sound advice to give your kids. I hope nobody ever says they wished they’d spent more time on Twitter as their last words. That would be sad.
Robin on August 15th, 2008 1:00 pm

Hi Cath

I haven’t got kids, but if I did, I’d tell them that I love them and that they are beautiful and amazing, and that they will be able to work out any problems they might have.

Robin’s last blog post..Letting Creativity Just Slip In
Natural on August 15th, 2008 4:22 pm

my favorite is to treat people the way you would want to be treated. that would cure so many of the problems that plague mankind today.

Natural’s last blog post..Traffic: Flaw in Design or Drivers?
cathlawson on August 16th, 2008 11:21 am

Hi Robin - that sounds like a good thing to tell them.

Hi Valerie - That is so true. If everyone understood that and did it, the world would be a much better place.
Alex Fayle on August 17th, 2008 11:18 am

Interesting question because I have no children and don’t want any. Yes, I do have nieces and nephews but they’re already learning great things from my siblings.

I tell my boyfriend every day how much I love him and what he means to me.

I guess my blog is my message (being about personal growth) and my “children” are the people who read it and get something from it.

Alex Fayle’s last blog post..Watching the Fireworks
cathlawson on August 18th, 2008 10:58 pm

Hi Alex - that’s a great answer. Wouldn’t it be great if our blogs were still online helping folk out in years to come.
What Happened To All The Time Savings? on September 19th, 2008 7:23 am

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