How To Attract Amazingly Positive People

September 13, 2008


Wouldn’t your life be so much easier, if you were able to attract only amazingly positive people into it? I know mine would. And I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by positive people. But the odd negative one seems to be able to creep in and spread bad feeling in a viral way.

Just One Or Two Negative People Can Infect A Hundred Positive People

And I guess that on the Internet, it’s even easier for them to do so. I get some wonderful, positive people visiting this blog. But I’ve also had my share of stalkers, idiots and mean spirited visitors. And the trouble is, if you let them - those types are like termites, devouring any positive feelings. It’s the same in business - just one or two negative folk can bleed the life out of an entire workforce.

I’ve been wondering how to close the lid on these assholes for a long time and shut them out completely. But one or two always seem to creep in, no matter how desperately I tried to keep them out. And finally, it dawned on me - I’ve actually been inviting those negative folk in.


At First I Thought The People We Attract Was A Numbers Game


At first I thought it was a numbers game. After all, no matter where I’ve worked, there’s always been the odd idiot, or venemous person. And I’ve noticed some really mean commenters on other blogs too. Heather of Dooce.com gets some real assholes in her comments section, but she gets hundreds of comments on each post she writes, so I guess it’s just a small percentage. Trouble is, among that small percentage she seems to have some real hardcore nuts, because recently, she she received a death threat.


Maybe We’re Asking For These Idiots To Show Up In Our Lives

I noticed that Rachel Elnaugh also seems to get some real idiots on her blog. Just reading some of their comments makes me wish I could press the delete button on them myself. But Rachel mentioned that she’s reading “Ask And It Is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks and although she’s getting some great results, she still gets a little angry when people piss her off.

Well, I remembered that Evelyn Lim also recommend Esther and Jerry’s work, so I went out and bought the book. And after reading a few pages, I realised that we may well be attracting these losers into our lives.

The book says that we attract what we think about most, whether we want it, or not. And trouble is, when we’re being persecuted by idiots or losers, we’re usually saying to ourselves, “I wish these negative people would disappear”, or something like that, but we’re actually focusing our thoughts on negative people. So we’re inviting more of them into our world.

What we should be doing is focusing on the positive people and inviting more in. For example, when positive people visit my blog, I should be thinking - that person is great, I’m glad they gave their opinion on that post. And I want more positive people to visit my blog.
At the same time - we should ignore the idiots. Just put them in the spam folder, where they belong.

Have you accidentally invited negative people into your life before? Did you find a way to get rid of them? What do you do to attract amazingly positive people into your life?

Image Credit: Brandi Sims

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28 Responses to “How To Attract Amazingly Positive People”

  1. Brad Shorr on September 13th, 2008 5:29 pm

    Cath, As much as possible, I try to ignore negativity. Sometimes, if the negative person is a family member, or if a close friend turns negative, all you can do is try your best to rise above the negativity and set a positive example. Getting sucked into a negative conversation or relationship, whether it’s personal or just blog commenting, seems like a no-win proposition. When people are in a negative frame of mind, my theory is they want to be that way. They don’t really want to be talked into being positive. You think that’s true?

    Brad Shorr’s last blog post..In Need of No Needs

  2. cathlawson on September 13th, 2008 5:32 pm
    Hi Brad - that is a good point. Thinking about conversations I’ve had with someone who’s being negative, they often don’t want to be talked into being positive, so ignoring them is often the only way I guess.
  3. Mike Goad on September 13th, 2008 6:03 pm

    So far I’ve been lucky and only had a couple of creeps comment on my blog. Of course, I don’t get too many commenters yet.

    Mike
    Currently in Wisconsin

    Mike Goad’s last blog post..Headin? Back In

  4. on September 13th, 2008 6:40 pm
  5. Ian Denny on September 13th, 2008 6:51 pm

    Negative people thrive on the reaction they get.

    So rising to the bait or reacting, creates more negativity. It’s far easier to politely nod, even virtually, and move on.

    Online, people have a safe outlet for their negativity. Okay, many people are like that face-to-face too.

    I don’t get that many negative people. I get on better with positive people. Those who can dream and think “what if?” and go for it.

    Despite everything I’ve been through in business, I have refused to stop trusting people.

    It’s so easy to become conditioned by the past. And if you’ve lost trust in people, it’s easy to get into that negative mind-set.

    I continue to trust people. Because overall, people are okay. The minority aren’t. But the minority makes more noise than the good ones, and drowns them out.

    I say go with the silent majority. Trust people. Accept it when the odd bad one breaks that trust.

    But politely rather than aggressively, make your excuses and quietly exit any interaction with people who are negative. Don’t be infected by them.

    Instead, forgive them. And instead be positive to them. And don’t take the bait and be drawn into their trap. They want you to see and experience their negativity and agree with them.

    Don’t sympathise or empathise with them. Give them a positive slant on their situation. Show them a way out.
    If they refuse to listen, they are negative. If not, they are inherently positive.

    Ian Denny’s last blog post..Turning Enquiries Into Sales

  6. Stacey / CreateaBalance on September 13th, 2008 7:42 pm

    I often forget this concept, but yes, when it’s all said and done I’m sure I do attract these negative people into my life. Fortunately, 95%+ of the people in my life are positive people. But there are still negative nellies roaming around. SARK says to observe these people and not react to them. I try to tell myself that they are in my life so I can learn a great life lesson.

    All of that is easier said than done. I still have moments when I want to place these people in a spam box and ship them to the other side of the planet.

    Stacey / CreateaBalance’s last blog post..Revisiting Life Passion - Part One

  7. Kathy on September 13th, 2008 7:51 pm

    Great post - great comments! What a great combination!!!

    I hadn’t considered the “danger” in allowing negative people into my life. After all, aren’t I supposed to help “uplift” others?

    But I think you’re right - 1 or 2 negative people can infect 100 positive people. There’s a reason for the cliche - “one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch”.

    The lesson I’ll be taking from this post is this: whether its your blog or your life, clear the weeds of negativity as soon as you recognize them. Oh, and thanks Ian for pointing out that this is NOT a place for “snap” judgments on that front!

    Kathy’s last blog post..Selling Nothing But Air

  8. The Power of Positive Thinking & Positive People — Virtual Impax on September 13th, 2008 8:38 pm

    [...] amazingly positive when I sat down to my computer.  Then, I was greeted with Cath Lawson’s How To Attract Amazingly Positive People post. That was followed by opening an email from a friend on the power of positive thinking. There [...]

  9. Don on September 13th, 2008 10:03 pm

    I tend to be very cynical, which leads people to think that I’m trying to bring them down. I’ve found that it’s because most people just can’t deal with negative criticism well.

    The world isn’t all roses and sunshine, life can be downright brutal at times. Putting a fake smile on your face and pretending your problems don’t exist will only cause you more problems.

    Of course, there ARE plenty of idiots and pessimists out there. Just try not to confuse them with people like me. ;)

  10. Alborz Fallah on September 14th, 2008 2:11 am

    You definitely seek what you emphasise in your mind, however it is unrealistic to say you will ignore the negatives, that is borderline denial!

    It’s best to deal with the negatives, but not by spending an hour replying to the idiots, but more so by spending an hour replying to the positives.

    You can’t argue with an idiot, they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience, so best to have discussions with people on the same level and in the same zone of existence!

  11. Lillie Ammann on September 14th, 2008 2:56 am

    Cath,
    Negative people can really get you down. I’ve been fortunate in comments on my blog—they are generally positive and helpful. But I have recently distanced myself from a woman offline who was so negative that she was affecting my own attitude. She had asked for my help and advice, and I wanted to help her become more positive. But her desire to change was apparently only lip service, because any time I would suggest that she was being negative and offer another way of looking at the situation, she got mad. So I told her I would no longer give her advice or answer her questions because it was not only nonproductive, it was also stressful and depressing.

    Lillie Ammann’s last blog post..Patriot Day 2008

  12. Lance on September 14th, 2008 3:16 am

    I’ve attracted a few bad choices into my physical world. And, when I have, they tend to bring me down. What I’ve found recently is that if this happens, when I realize it, I just try not to associate with them as much. Eventually…they leave me alone. And life is good again!

    Lance’s last blog post..I’m Famous!

  13. Kelly@SHE-POWER on September 14th, 2008 3:37 am

    Hi Cath

    I was one of those who recommended Abraham-Hicks to you too. I have read many many self improvement books in my life, but I find the Esther Hicks’ guide to life works the best for me. It has helped my family turn a financial crisis around and it also led me back to counselling a couple of years ago when I monitored my emotions and realised that I didn’t feel anything! I was numb and mostly still living in my tortured past.

    I have always been a positive person, but I used to really get dragged down by selfish losers as well. Now I just don’t give them a thought or any emotion at all. I have only ever had one horrible comment on my blog for my 25 Fast Facts About Women Around the World post and as soon as I started reading it and saw what it was going to be, I pressed DELETE. I choose to give my energy and support to all the good people out there who are trying to be a part of positive change in this world.

    Abraham-Hicks is very simple really. Ask for what you want. Focus on what you want. NOT what you don’t want. This sees easy, but day to day it is a challenge when you want to rail against someone. But if we just keep on keeping on and look for the good, our lives will improve immeasurably.

    So happy you bought the book, Cath. It really does have the power to change your life.

    Kelly x

    Kelly@SHE-POWER’s last blog post..Bloggers Unite for Darfur and Launch TrainforHumanity.org

  14. Cath Lawson on September 14th, 2008 4:45 am

    Hi Akemi - You came - that worked quick. I think you were another who recommended ask and it is given to me. Thank you.

    Hi Ian - that is good advice. And it’s so true that the majority of folk are trustworthy. We still need to have faith in people in general.

    Hi Stacey - that is true. I try to avoid reacting to these people - as Ian said, that is the best way. But as you mentioned - it’s often easier said than done.

    Hi Kathy - that’s a good idea, clear the weeds out before they grow. Last year, I was going to sack a negative person as they were infecting everyone else. But I gave them another chance and wound up allowing them to stay a week too long. Those weeds spread far too quickly.

    Hi Rita - Good for you. Like you, I favour the spam folder for folk like that. Once you’ve hit that button, you don’t even have to think about the person and you can concentrate on all the positive folk. I’ve emailed you.

    Hi Don - Trouble is - if you criticize people negatively - they will feel like you’re a negative person. Folk don’t respond well to negative criticism. You could try putting your point across in a positive way, or say nothing.

    I totally agree that folk need to deal with their problems, rather than trying to bury them but that doesn’t mean they have to be negative.

    Hi Alborz - that is a good idea. Devoting more time to the positives is definitely less draining. And I guess it will squash the effect of the negatives to some extent, so long as you don’t dwell on what they’ve said.

    Hi Lillie - that type of person is hard work aren’t they? And as you said - there’s no point in advising them, if they’re not really wanting to change things. It only drags you down too.

    Hi Lance - that’s a good idea. I know the feeling. I’ve met folk like that. Trouble is, the first couple of times you see them, you just think they’re going through a bad time, then after a while you realise that is how they live.

    Hi Kelly - that’s right - you did. Sorry. It was recommended to me heaps of times in a row that I forgot all the places I’d heard about it. But I knew I was meant to read it because of all the recommendations.

    It is a brilliant book isn’t it? I’m going to look at more of their stuff. Originally I read Think and Grow Rich, but Esther and Jerry are easier to follow. After Think and Grow Rich, I often found myself focusing on the things I didn’t want - now I realise where I was going wrong.

    It sounds like it’s helped you heaps.

    Cath Lawson’s last blog post..How To Attract Amazingly Positive People

  15. cathlawson on September 14th, 2008 4:49 am

    Hi Mike - Sorry - Askimet is still eating you. But there’s hope - it’s finally stopped eating Scott, so it should leave you alone soon.

    I can’t imagine you letting creeps get to you too much on your blog. Hope you’re still having a good trip.

  16. mark on September 14th, 2008 2:01 pm

    Hi Cath - I have run into a rash of negative people lately and I try not to let them bother me….

    I got a real nasty email right after the launch of TFH last week. Even though it bothered me, it also motivated me to get off my a$$ and get out there and keep training. :)
    mark’s last blog post..How Did Train for Humanity Get Its Start?

  17. Don on September 14th, 2008 10:41 pm

    Cath - Negative criticism isn’t criticism said in a negative way. You misunderstand what I’m trying to say. People get themselves down because something is wrong. It’s not my fault, that they can’t get along.

  18. Barbara Swafford on September 14th, 2008 10:48 pm

    Hi Catherine,

    I do agree, we get what we concentrate on, or spend our time thinking about. This article has been a great reminder to count my blessings and stay positive.

    Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Mini Meme - Open Mic - Free Ebook

  19. cathlawson on September 15th, 2008 8:22 am

    Hi Mark - it sucks that you’re getting nasty emails about such a noble cause. At least you were able to use it in a positive way.

    Hi Don - it’s hard to know what you mean without knowing the situation - sorry.

    Hi Barbara - exactly. It’s all about replacing those thoughts with positive ones and doing our best not to let negative influences in isn’t it.

  20. Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome on September 15th, 2008 10:03 am

    I had to think for a bit about this because I don’t have negative people in my life. Oh, sure I have people (myself included) who will have a nice self-pity party but overall everyone is positive.

    When I do encounter negative people or people who I do not trust, I disconnect quickly and politely.

    Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Life’s Not Fair - Get Over It

  21. cathlawson on September 15th, 2008 10:16 am

    Hi Alex - disconnecting sounds like a good idea. I guess that if you get in the habit of doing that quickly - you’re less likely to dwell on negative words or actions.

  22. Evelyn Lim on September 15th, 2008 12:24 pm

    I’m glad to find out that you bought the book. Thanks for the link to my site!

    I’d also focus on attracting more positive people to my site. I sometimes send out the intention of attracting the right readers to my post before I hit the publish button. I’d hold the little wish in my open palms, and then imagine letting it go and it taking flight into the sky - the Universe.

    You made me laugh when you said “At the same time - we should ignore the idiots. Just put them in the spam folder, where they belong”…yeah…that’s right!!

    Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Hire A Dream Team For Creative Visualization

  23. Sara Healy on September 15th, 2008 3:33 pm

    I have a friend who once told me that some people are toxic. They may not be toxic for someone else, but they can be for you. Once a toxic person is in your life, you really do need to either remove them or stay clear of the person.

    I liked what Evelyn Lim said in her comment about inviting positive people into your life. I write affirmations and leave them places where I’ll see them every day to remind me to find the positive!

    Great post!

    Sara Healy’s last blog post..Severe Weather Warning: The Stress of Impact

  24. cathlawson on September 15th, 2008 10:40 pm

    Hi Evelyn - you’re welcome. The book is brilliant. I’m working my way through all the exercises and today it helped me do a job I’ve been putting off for ages.

    I like the idea of sending a message to attract the right readers before you hit the publish button. I’ll give that a try.

    Hi Sara - That’s interesting that different folk are toxic for different people. So we needn’t feel so bad about avoiding them, as there will be others who don’t find them toxic.

  25. Camas on October 2nd, 2008 2:15 pm

    this was a really interesting read, thanks for posting, the world needs more positive people

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  28. Irene on December 3rd, 2008 7:16 am

    Wow, this site is awesome.. I just got here by accident and incidentally, I’ve read some of the Hicks’ books. In the last year, I had to drop my best friend b/c she was just that - a major toxic energy in my life, who always put herself first and when I wanted to go to grad. school and she didn’t want to support my goals.. it hit me like a ton of bricks.. “Why do I have this person in my life?” It’s been very difficult b/c she was my best friend for 10 yrs.. but I guess I was just blind.

    I always felt like I looked at the world with a cup half-full.. and there are so many ppl around me who look at it half-empty, or “what’s best for me.” Sorry Don, but being cynical is just the same as being negative.

    Since breaking up with her, I also have broken other negative ties and I realize I don’t have (as much) drama in my life now (other than family :D). Makes things much more positive. Some have given me grief on breaking up with her - but after reading your posts above, I’m certain I made the right choice.

    Thank you!

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