Understanding Emotional Behaviour in A Screwed Up World
December 3, 2008
Understanding emotional behaviour is one way that we can make sense of bad situations and prevent them from happening again. And understanding our own emotional reactions is a good place to start.
Making sense of our own behaviour and reactions helps us to understand others. And through doing this, we can control our responses in particular situations. But can we do the same in an extremely challenging situation? I don’t know about you, but if I’m faced with a situation where I feel as though I’m at risk, I find this difficult.
Is It Possible To Control Our Normal Biological Response In An Extremely Challenging Situation?
In any situation where you have time to think, it’s quite easy to stop yourself and say - why am I feeling angry or upset? Or, what could be making that person behave like this? And control your response to the situation.
But if we are in a challenging situation where we fear our safety, a fight, flight, or freeze response kicks in. Fight, flight, or freeze is controlled by the central nervous system and it’s meant to happen to protect us in dangerous situations. But, does it protect us? And if not, are we able to override the fight, flight or freeze response?
An Example of Flight, Fight Or Freeze
Imagine I see Davina and Barbara arguing. I go over to try to calm them down and Davina wacks me across the face. Now I know myself, that if someone wacked me across the face for no apparent reason, I would have a hard time making myself stop to think about why they did that and what the best response would be.
The fight response would probably kick in and I would give Davina an absolute blasting and I probably wouldn’t have much control over what I said to her.
On the other hand - if I saw that Davina had a knife in her hand, the good old flight response might make me grab Barbara and try to flee to safety. This response would only be useful if we were faster runners than Davina.
Or, what if Davina pointed a gun at Barbara’s head? Perhaps I’d freeze, because I didn’t know what to do. That situation wouldn’t be particularly useful either.
So, is how useful is flight, fight or freeze in these situations, if it prevents rational thinking and doesn’t help in protecting us from danger?
Is It Possible To Control The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response?
In situations where we’re not in immediate danger, it is not so difficult to control our response - especially if we train ourselves to do so.
But, can we control the fight, flight, or freeze response in challenging situations? After all, most of us are not faced with situations which threaten our safety everyday.
So how can we train ourselves to control them? If we learn the habit of not allowing our behaviour or reactions to be affected by emotion, would that be enough to prevent the fight, flight or freeze response kicking in? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.
Related Resources
The Power of Now Teaching Series
Greatness Without Genies
We’re All Responsible For The Walmart Tragedy
Buddha: A Story of Enlightenment
A Passion for the Edge: Living Your Dreams Now
Self Hypnosis Downloads
Don’t Add This Poison To Your Business Cocktail
Comments
17 Responses to “Understanding Emotional Behaviour in A Screwed Up World”
Got something to say?
-
Inspired Gifts From Unicef
-
Make Money
-
Great Reading
-
Amazing Deals
-
Successful And Outstanding Blogger
I guess like you said, we have to TRAIN ourselves how to react. It’s something we have to learn, not an easy thing to do. This is hard for me, but what helps is thinking about the consequence of my actions.
Natural’s last blog post..The Day of the Fight
Hi Valerie - It’s a tough thing to do - especially in challenging situations. A few years ago, I went into a place where some guy had been threatening folk with a knife. A lot of people were really upset and wanted to cause him physical harm.
I managed to sit down and talk to him and persuade him to leave the place peacefully.
Now, that was easy for me, because I’d just got there. But whenever there’s some sort of violent situation, I do think it affects other people in the environment. You’ve probably noticed how tense you feel when folk around you are arguing.
And I bet that had I already been in that place with the knife guy and the other people, things might have turned out differently. Probably - I’d have been just as angry as the other people there.
Wow, Cath, you’re brave!
I’ve found that I give a better response to an emotionally charged situation if I wait. Popping off just escalates things. Generally, I will calm down and then think about all the ins and outs and the whys and wherefores. If I’m still angry, I can plan what to say. While I’m not always in control enough to do this, I can say that when I have been the outcome is busy solving itself as well, so the situation diffuses. I learned this from my wonderful husband, who will tell you he does it because he’s not good reacting on his feet. I think it’s smart because it makes you seem measured.
Betsy’s last blog post..PANIC
As you know I spent some time in the military. Yes, people can be trained to control their emotional reactions. But I don’t think the average person needs to bother. It’s a long, tough process.
Vered - MomGrind’s last blog post..Female Athletes Say Skimpy Outfits Are Not Sexist
One reason I’m glad I participated in sports like football and wrestling is the experience it gave me in emotional control. While sports is not comparable to military or actual life and death experience, at least it’s something. I agree with Vered - it takes time and quite a bit of effort to effect mind over matter. It’s also a skill you hope you don’t have to use!
Brad Shorr’s last blog post..Interview with Novelist Lillie Ammann
I don’t know about how to train, but training is indeed possible. After all, that’s what they do with the police, military, and the emergency medical team.
It’s not just normal situations versus these other stressful situations either. There’s a degree difference in being threatened by a squirt gun, a snow ball, a beehive, a knife, a gun, or a lightsabre. The more you are trained, the more you are able to control it, I guess.
Kelvin Kao’s last blog post..LCC presents… A Clockwork _____: A Show About Time
My goodness - whacks in the face, knives, guns! I think in these extreme cases our autonomic (sympathetic?) whatever that “emergency” system is that kicks in will probably guide us.
In times of heated debate I can quickly get too emotional so I have to avoid those situations. Which I do. Mostly.
Wow, Vered, you were in the military? You’ve certainly got a varied resume.
Jannie’s last blog post..A Good-Fitting Bra (uh-oh, here come those Google ads again)
Hi Cath. Hey, how come I’m the one with the gun and the knife?
This was too funny. But all that aside, you’ve made a good point here. I’m real curious about what Vered has said about people being trained to control their emotional reactions. I guess this is similar to learning how to deceive a lie detector. Very interesting. I imagine that because our survival instincts are so strong it would be difficult to interrupt that process.
Davina’s last blog post..When Fear Closes In, Take Action
Hi Betsy - Not really brave. Because I’d just arrived, I seemed to be the only person who was not angry with the guy, so he was less likely to stab me.
Your way of dealing with things seems smart - but when I said challenging situation - I meant a situation that puts you in immediate danger - not giving you time to go away and think. I wonder if it would still be so easy to control our responses in those situations.
Hi Vered - I hadn’t thought about the military. How does that work then - is it a kind of brainwashing?
Hi Brad - that’s interesting - I never thought about things like football teaching emotional control. But you say that you hope you never have to use it.
Many people tell me about this control they have and I’m wondering if they are 100% certain that it would work in a life or death situation.
Hi Kelvin - I wonder if the training given in these establishments is the same as teaching yourself to have complete control in a dangerous situation. When I speak to some people who have been in the military - much of the training sounds more like brainwashing. Can we still be in control if we are brainwashed?
Hi Jannie - that’s right - the emergency system you mention is the same one I was talking about. But the question is - would you feel safe being guided by that system? Apparently - when it kicks in, it shuts down the part of the brain which is responsible for rational thought.
Hi Davina - I had to choose someone who seemed least likely to stab or shoot someone and I thought you would be a safe bet.
The lie detector is interesting - I wonder if the military are trained in a similar way?
Like you, I’m betting it would be difficult to interrupt that process. When you are training to cope in a life threatening situation - you know it isn’t real. So there’s no guarantee that you would react the same in a real life situation.
It would be interesting to know if it is possible to override fight, flight or freeze though. I’m going to see if I can find out whether anyone has experimented with this.
Hi Cath - Thanks for clarifying. I’ve not been in a situation where my life was under threat, but I’ve responded when others’ have been in danger.
My first husband and I came upon a car fire. The people were sitting in the car, dumbly, probably frozen uncomprehending. I yelled at him to stop and we quickly got them out, uninjured and then the car exploded into really big flames just like in the movies.
My second husband (yeah, I know, how can I keep track) and I had many such incidences with our premature son. We would have to pinch and slap this little 3 pounder to make him cry after invasive procedures so that he would continue to breathe.
I discussed a life-threatening event with another person a couple of days ago. He had made a very exciting physical escape, again just like in the movies. We agreed that memories out of these situations are so much more vivid - like when combat vets say they never felt so alive. It must be adrenaline that sears them into our brains.
To this day, I can recall in minute detail the room in which my son lay, the hallway where I made a bargain with God, and the buttons on the neurosurgeon’s jacket.
Evidently, I’m the kind who does what has to be done in the moment and then allows herself to fall apart when it’s safe to do so. Great, thought-provoking post.
Betsy’s last blog post..ENDANGERED SPECIES: THE FULFILLED CAMPAIGN PROMISE
Hi Betsy - Wow - those people were lucky you stopped when you did. The thought of a car fire terrifies me. There was a bad accident a couple of years ago, not far from here. Apparently - the people in the front were killed instantly - but I don’t know if there were no rear doors, or they were just locked. The car set on fire and the girls in the rear were burnt alive.
A neighbour told me she spoke to a man who was driving along the road at the time. He actually saw that the car was on fire and that the two girls in the back were screaming but he told folk that he didn’t stop to help, incase it upset his own kids who were in the car.
I thought that was pretty disgusting. I don’t know who the man was but I thought it was awful of him not to help two teenage girls, then use his kids as an excuse for being a coward.
I wonder how traumatic memories remain so vivid? Some people say they remain sort of frozen in your memory and playing back over and over like a video.
Cath,
Interesting discussion.
I think it’s possible to train yourself/be trained to handle life-and-death situations because our brains don’t distinguish what is real and what isn’t. If we practice like it’s real—as the military and similar organizations do—when the real thing happens training kicks in and we act like we were trained.
It’s the same principle why visualization is so effective in goal-setting—in essence, we can “trick” our brains into believing our visualization is the real thing.
However, as Vered said, it is a long, complicated process. People, like soldiers, who are apt to face life-and-death situations regularly need to be trained to handle them. But most of us have no way of knowing what dangers we will face so we can’t possibly prepare for them.
I don’t think most of us know how we would respond in a given situation, either. When I was robbed and molested at gunpoint, well-meaning people told me after the fact how I should have responded differently to get away or resist the gunman.
However, the police told me that I did the right thing by not fighting because this criminal was committing crimes often and close together, and he was getting progressively more violent. The police said it’s likely he would have shot me if I resisted.
But I didn’t reason through how to react—I just acted instinctively. LIke you said, I wasn’t prepared for the situation and really doubt that I could have been. Who would expect to be accosted by an armed criminal in your retail store in a busy shopping center in the middle of the day? That’s just not a scenario you anticipate.
Lillie Ammann’s last blog post..By: The Generosity of Bloggers
Hi Cath - That is truly awful, not stopping! That man will have to live with the fact that his children know he used them as an excuse for his own cowardice! Dreadful. How could you live with yourself knowing you hadn’t done all you could?
I remember when my son was so ill for what seemed like forever. Premies can be a laundry list of life-threatening events, and it was one after the other with him. He literally died and turned gray countless times on us, and then resurrected via harsh intervention on our and the charge nurse’s part. We were quite the team.
People would ask me, “How are you able handle it?” I was dumbfounded. My answer was, “How can I not?” Sometimes all there is to do is just do, like you did with the guy and the knife, and like the passerby who should have stopped.
I don’t know about the memory thing. You may be on to something with the replay aspect. But…I replay dead mice in the trap over and over, too. Maybe it’s their trauma…hahaha
Betsy’s last blog post..ENDANGERED SPECIES: THE FULFILLED CAMPAIGN PROMISE
Cath,
I had to take some time away from the computer to think on this. I’m wondering if “emotional training” is the right word.
I turn to the great 21st Century philosopher Christopher Titus for clarification. Christopher Titus extols the “virtues” of being from a dysfunctional family. His father was an abusive alcoholic and his mother was mentally ill. The tales he tells in his “comedy” routine could easily be defined as “horror stories”.
However, he claims he’s better for living such a life. He says that when the shit hits the fan, people from “normal” families find themselves covered in shit. Meanwhile, people from families such as his recognize what is about to happen and move out of the line of fire.
I guess if you live with knife fights breaking out between your friends every other day, you would get “used” to such situations and be “cool, calm and collected”. However, if it was the first, of COURSE you’d be freaked out.
My response in times of extreme duress is to shut down emotionally. That gives the appearance that I am “cool under pressure”. However, I’m pretty sure the REASON I’m able to do this (I’m unable to NOT do it) is because I grew up in a very emotionally unhealthy environment of abuse and addiction.
In other words, I’m not sure ANYONE should WANT to train themselves to be this way!!!
Kathy - Virtual Impax’s last blog post..Web Terms You Need to Know: Landing Pages
Hi Lillie - That is a brilliant point. I didn’t think about that. I guess we can trick our minds into believing almost anything, so it wouldn’t know if the training was real or not.
Being attacked at gunpoint must have been terrifying. I was pinned down on the floor and attacked with a bottle, so obviously, I tried to get away. But I can imagine if you had a gun pointing had you, you’d be so terrified you’d just freeze. I certainly think you did the right thing.
As you say - because it happened in a place where you expected to be safe, made it more terrifying.
Hi Betsy - I know. How can he live with himself?
It must have been awful watching your son almost dying before your own eyes. And as you say, you just do what you have to. Sometimes it’s best not to think much at all.
Hi Kathy - Maybe telling jokes was that guy’s way of coping.
That is a really good point about “normal” lives. If you’d never had to deal with shit - you wouldn’t know what to do when it happened.
And I guess, if you get used to shutting off emotionally, as you described - you just do it, if you’re faced with a familiar situation.
By the way - the knife guy wasn’t my friend. I’d seen him around before but I didn’t know him. And thank God I never saw him again. It was a big relief watching him get up and leave calmly.
Hi Catherine - Wow! I didn’t know I was the subject of a violate attack. I’m glad you came to my defense.
I seriously don’t know what I would do. I’m thinking I would fight back, but never having been in a situation where I’ve had to use the fight, flight and.or flee response, I’m not sure and hope I never do have to find out.
As I was reading the post and the comments it made me think of women (and men, too) who are abused by their spouses/significant others. It makes me wonder if they just freeze, not believing it’s happening to them?
Barbara Swafford - Blogging Without A Blog’s last blog post..The Unseen Benefit of Commenting
Hi again, Cath. You brought up brainwashing. That’s actually a very good point. Maybe the training doesn’t necessarily help people think, but rather replace their instinctive behavior with something that can be perceived as calm. So maybe they aren’t really thinking on their feet. They are just provided with another script to use so they don’t have to think well and quick on their feet. So the script has to be generally enough and yet specific enough to deal with the subset of situations that they might run into in situations their work might put them in.
Kelvin Kao’s last blog post..LCC presents… A Clockwork _____: A Show About Time